Why is no one talking about our lack of emotional training?
Even as trauma moves into the forefront, there is still a long way to go when it comes to informing others, especially those who don’t take trauma into consideration at all. Unfortunately, the lifestyle that many Americans have learned to consider normal can easily lead to debilitating anxiety, depression, and shutdown, which also, mistakenly normalizes trauma. At the root of all these issues is a core component, a lack of even a basic understanding of how to manage ourselves emotionally.
We often step into adult lives that are so singularly focused on financial success that we have to force ourselves to consider the concept of work/life balance. We can easily become so focused on that vision of external success that self-care is mistaken for expensive, high-maintenance routines. I was one of these people; I had become driven to distraction and avoidance for decades by a life lived by default. In fact, I was so focused externally that I nearly lost my life, and barely noticed.
With a hemoglobin count of five, I was told that without getting a transfusion if I went home to sleep I would not wake up again, and I could barely keep my eyes open as it was. My organs were shut down one by one. So, I was given two units of blood, with no instruction. How could they know I lacked the common sense of basic self-care? There I went, right back to work.
It wasn’t until complications from that experience had finally caused the loss of my job and had left me with no other options that I started looking closer at my actions. Even then I had zero idea I had any form of trauma at all. It was only when I began hypnotherapy that I understood how much generations of childhood trauma had affected both myself and my son.
During our first meeting, an introduction, not even an appointment, I went deep into my subconscious and saw myself as a very small child of three or four years old. I was eating a stuffed avocado. After a short bit of time, the therapist asked what I was experiencing next, and I got very agitated while telling him I was having seconds. When he asked if I had wanted seconds, I burst into tears. My voice quivered as I told him no and when he asked why I was having it I completely fell apart. My answer was “because the little girl will disappear”.
Hypnotherapy is like that; you get to see and experience the experiences you had as a child but can see it through the lens of an adult. From that meeting, I was able to put all the pieces together of how neglected and isolated I’d been as a young girl and why food was the replacement for basically every type of emotional connection I lacked at home.
After all the research I’ve done I’m certain that everyone has experiences from childhood that affect them in some way that could be examined and changed. Everyone. Trauma affects everyone, both personally and in each of their relationships.
I’ve dedicated over a decade toward researching trauma and what I’ve learned is that almost no one has been taught how to understand how emotions work; and even worse, how to properly manage their own. I also found that it was extremely difficult to get into the problem-solving work of trauma without that solid emotional foundation of understanding. It’s for this reason that I’ve not dedicated myself to providing resources to build a steady emotional foundation. Because when we are taught to ignore ourselves emotionally, we learn to prioritize the needs of others before our own needs.
My latest creation is a step-by-step guide to managing emotions, building a solid foundation, and doing trauma-informed work. It’s called Unpacking Emotional Baggage: The Journal. It’s a journey to emotional wellness.
Please feel free to visit unpackingemotionalbaggage.com for more info. The Amazon link is there, it will soon also be available to order at Barnes and Noble and your local bookstore.
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Penny Payton is a certified energy leadership coach, childhood trauma researcher, and emotional self-awareness advocate and speaker. She has authored two books on the importance of unpacking emotional baggage. She has created a third which is in journal format. It’s a step-by-step guide on building a solid emotional foundation to processing and release trauma. Before, she spent over thirty years in corporate America until a near-death experience changed her life.
