Analysis Paralysis

Overthinking and getting stuck inside your own head.

Do you find yourself ruminating on ruminations? Reflecting on reflections until you are stood in a hall of mirrors unable to tell what your original thought was? Staring at the ceiling gone midnight, pondering everything you have said & done, and thinking about everything that you may say or do in the future?

A lot of people underestimate how much overthinking can cause serious stress and negative impacts on mental and physical health.

I was (frequently still am) an overachieving over-thinker, on overdrive doing overtime in overthinking. So far removed from my present surroundings that I couldn’t engage in simple conversation. I’m not exaggerating, my wife will attest to the fact that, very genuinely she will ask a question and I simply disappear into my own head, effectively not giving her an answer. I get so caught up in ‘what ifs’, evaluating each individual perspective I can think of, protecting people’s feelings, and figuring out how to word a response … I end up not answering at all and shutting down.

Now, I have done a lot of work in therapy as well as my own studies in psychology and Counselling with regard to this. I know where my own lack of self-confidence and sense of self comes from and it is true that as we go through life, traumas, abusive relationships, manipulation, and gaslighting can and will rock that self-confidence and set you back.

So what actually causes someone to be more prone to overthinking?

• If parents are overprotective and mollycoddle their child, the child’s belief in their own original thoughts is undermined as is their confidence in trying new things. In essence, they do not learn to build resilience.
• Ironically, if the parents go too far in the opposite direction and do not mirror their children; if the child is met with criticism and made to to feel inadequate, the child will also learn to mistrust themselves.
• Taking that a step further, if a child has to second guess their parents not only will they have developed an anxious attachment style, they won’t have confidence in themselves and their opinions or thoughts. The feeling of walking on eggshells, trying to figure out what to say so as to keep the child out of trouble, avoid punishment, and prevent humiliation.

It’s not just due to childhood experiences that can cause ‘overthinking’ though. Trauma in adult life can also have similar effects.

• Domestic Abuse
• Narcissistic Abuse
• Natural Disasters, combat, or any other PTSD-invoking event.
• Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, or similar Mental Health Disorders.
• High-stress levels (this can be due to work, home life, family dynamics etc.)
• Studies have shown that the higher IQ and EQ a person has, the higher the likelihood of ‘overthinking’ the person may suffer.

So how do we stop overthinking everything?

Well … it may sound obvious and silly, but getting out of our own heads and grounded firmly in reality. It sounds simple but so few of us are able to do it. Whether it is exercise, arts and crafts, music, or reading. Whatever your ‘spark’ is and wherever you find your inner rhythm, that is what you need to do to get yourself out of the depths of your thoughts.

Utilise your senses to help you stay embodied. Truly see what’s infant of your eyes, the colours, how the light catches it, really look at the details of what is around you. Scented candles, incense burners, perfume, the smell of cooking or baking. Touch what is around you; pet your dog, feel the fluffy jumper, hold your loved one’s hand and feel the warmth of their skin, run yourself a hot bath. Cook (or buy – no judgment) your favourite foods or even make yourself a decent brew.

People bleed on and on about mindfulness (without really explaining what it is!). In essence, recognise that your thoughts are just that, thoughts. Your thoughts are not facts. Acknowledging this as your thoughts happen can very genuinely slow down your thinking machine and take some of the sting out of them. When thoughts are just that, abstract concepts and not framed as reality it is far easier to acknowledge them and then allow them to pass.

Obviously, I am always going to advocate for speaking to a humanistic counsellor to help unpick your thinking patterns, explore who you are, where you fit in your own world, etc.

Allow yourself ‘Allowed time’ for thinking, maybe an hour in the late afternoon. If thoughts come to you throughout the day that you know are going to cause the spiral of overthinking, jot them down somewhere for you to come back to during this allowed time dedicated to thinking. Even better, write them down in a journal, this can be a good form of ’emotional dumping’ i.e dumping everything down onto a page. You can keep or delete/bin this page if needed or you can keep it to help you identify patterns in behaviour.

The hardest one of all is to learn how to trust your gut. You’ll likely have drowned out your inner voice, you may not even remember what it sounds like or developed one at all. Practice intuition, there are a plethora of cards, exercises, and workbooks on it. It takes time to tune in to your body and your mind’s needs and trust your gut. But taking any step is better than the stasis that occurs when stuck inside your intertwining thoughts.

Hopefully, this might help you to stop overthinking and start acting with informed choices.

Keep on fighting the good fight and take care of yourselves.

 

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