This is my first—and quite possibly my last—book, which I see as my legacy project. This writing journey has been long and arduous, but persistence ultimately prevailed, and I finally reached the finish line. I truly couldn’t have arrived here without the help, support, and encouragement of countless people. I’ll admit I still feel sheepish calling myself a writer. I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome for quite some time—a feeling many of us experience now and then, but for me, it’s been especially pronounced.
That’s partly because I come from a Japanese culture that values humility, where it’s safer—even preferable—to be self-deprecating rather than self-confident. But I may have taken it too far, which I now also recognize was a byproduct of complex trauma. Distorted self-identity and perception, as it turned out, are some of the major hallmarks of complex trauma.
Thanks to advances in neuroscience, we now have empirical evidence showing that prolonged toxic stress, especially during early childhood, can disrupt the normal wiring and development of the nervous system. This kind of stress can leave lasting imprints on the brain, shaping thought and behavioral patterns well into adulthood. The Japanese proverb I grew up hearing, “mitsugo no tamashii hyaku made“—the soul of a three-year-old lives until 100 years old—truly has practical wisdom and application.
It wasn’t until after finishing my early drafts that I learned about Judith Herman, a Harvard psychiatrist who first coined the term “complex trauma” (or CPTSD). Being able to name what I had experienced throughout my life was eye-opening and empowering. It gave me a language to articulate what had felt elusive and invisible for so long and helped me understand my puzzling behaviors more clearly.
Childhood emotional neglect can be subtle, yet pervasive and insidious. The coping mechanisms we develop as children to survive what feels unsafe or unstable can become so ingrained in our personalities that we mistake them for personal failings. If we develop a vicious inner critic, it will beat us up for feeling bad about our ineffective or maladaptive coping skills—in other words, feeling bad about feeling bad makes even an ordinary challenge exponentially harder. It’s common to dismiss hallmark signs that are actually red flags, and many of us spend a lifetime wondering why our life seems so difficult. I’ve met several people in the CPTSD Foundation community who shared that they didn’t realize they were suffering from it until much later in life.
We can’t change or heal what we don’t recognize. Unfortunately, emotional neglect is so invisible that it is often misunderstood, dismissed, or rarely discussed, yet it can be just as damaging as other forms of abuse. When left unrecognized, it can unknowingly be passed down through generations. I was motivated to share my story to make the invisible visible. By speaking out, I hope others with similar experiences will feel seen, heard, and empowered to share their struggles—and begin healing and building a sense of community rooted in genuine connection and compassion.
My book is available on October 7th, wherever books are sold. Here are some convenient links for purchase:
Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1647429803
Simon & Schuster:
https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Pond-Beyond-the-Forest/Shigeko-Ito/9781647429805
Third Place Books:
https://www.thirdplacebooks.com/book/9781647429805
Book Passage:
https://www.bookpassage.com/book/9781647429805
Barnes & Noble:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-pond-beyond-the-forest-shigeko-ito/1146966600
Target:
https://www.target.com/p/the-pond-beyond-the-forest-by-shigeko-ito-paperback/-/A-1004992871
Shigeko Ito grew up in Japan and immigrated to the United States to pursue higher education. She studied early childhood education, earning a PhD in Education from Stanford University. Drawing on cross-cultural experiences and academic expertise, she explores themes of trauma, resilience, and healing, with a particular focus on childhood emotional neglect. Her work has appeared on the CPTSD Foundation blog and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America website. In 2025, she was named a semifinalist in the nonfiction category of the Tucson Festival of Books Literary Awards. She worked in Montessori preschools for many years and lives in Seattle with her husband of thirty years and beloved animals.
