By Jesse B. Donahue 2019©
Primordial awakening… at the onset of our evolution and today, found within the formulation of a contemplative moment. From the ‘beginnings,’ we were and are all alone on this forsaken planet. There were no rescuers to save us from anything, ever. We were and are vulnerable, cold, hungry, scared, and in the presence of a state of sheer wonderment… along with, indeed, an unspoken confusion, slowly feeling as though we are being torn from the ‘core’ nature that we are. We are nature at our core!
The metaphorical mysterious head of man rising from the primordial swamp, the Indigenous clan perhaps of only a few, view the land, greenery, the life of all kinds, perhaps yet unaware of self, but able to walk, half still crawling with knuckles dragging. We, the once crawlers of life… arriving, becoming something, something once blind in that conceptions are not yet known. Alone, clinging for dear life to tribal belonging, there is nothing but planet, life, and here anew, another creature arisen out of the miraculous soup. EVERYTHING to come, in all realms of dimension, just another new creature arising from the swamps of nature, and all that we have created to date, live, think, and believe, emanating from smack between our ears, an imaginative design.
In the beginning, there was a psychologically empty creature, nothing existing but nature and what was to come from our eons developing brain and soon-to-be exploding imagination. Soon? Well, millions of years, yet just barely a blink of an eye in time. There is nothing but what we have imagined, cleverly created, and nature… nothing; we are utterly alone and without real answers, except now, thanks to science. Nothing more, nothing less, just an empty creature among the millions, once like us that is an ‘inherent’ part of all of nature; “we are nature” at its core and our core.
We are different, as is the lion from the lamb and the eagle from the frog. What is to come for this animal, whose talent of a burgeoning consciousness, thought, and multi-use hands is its destiny? Where is this creature today? A world of wonders experienced by the very crawlers, once alive and dreaming of nothing more than survival and sex, oh did ‘it’ ever survive. We now stand, gleaming eyes of delusion, further and further self (culturally) alienated from our source, nature, and the God we made, became ourselves…
From the beginning there was brutality and suffering, a creature struggling to stay alive, to fulfill the imperative, to live. As a living part of nature, the dictate is, and shall forever be for most all of life, to stay alive. And for humankind, as we have formally devised this title, a massive struggle exists to live in and find the now moment. As an animal of nature, near the beginning, all we knew was the moment at hand. Somewhere along the way, our minds became so ‘busy’ that the moment was lost, putting us in the past, into the future, in an ever-constant chatter of our developing mental operations. Over the eons of our evolution, our brains and minds developed and grew to a size and structure that set us apart in animal life. Yet still, as the lion is different from the lamb, we, too, are different from other creatures. And different is an understatement. Though with all the intellectual accomplishments of ‘our’ kind, we are still a living embodiment of nature, as are all the other creatures from the primordial beginnings.
Photo by Goutham Krishna on Unsplash
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** Copyright notice. All of my writings are copyrighted and registered with the Library of Congress.
My name is Jesse Donahue. In 2015, at the age of 58, I took up writing, and since then I’ve written two novels, poems, and essays about my journey struggling with CPTSD. The essays, 50+, were an adjunct to journaling in therapy to amplify my learning and self-understanding.
My writings, which include therapy notes, poems, novels, and essays, are a part of my ongoing personal therapy. Many of my essays are in a stream-of-consciousness style, unleashing, sharing, and delving into energies that continuously process in my subconscious. My writings were initially geared for me and my therapist’s eyes only. I began by exposing my thoughts and feelings on paper. Then, via personal choice, shared them here with the readers. My essays develop from my weekly therapy notes. My intent and desire is to encourage readers to recognize traits in themselves and see a therapist if you are able to. If you are in therapy, ask your therapist to read them and discuss what pertains to you. It can be a long and difficult process over extensive periods to awaken to the unconscious issues that have us acting out in life. Our behavior can seem like dancing to a buried energy that we are not able to directly confront. Hopefully, my insights will assist the reader in a faster process toward reaching a deeper self-understanding. Bringing the unconscious out into the light of self-awareness, understanding, and acceptance fosters self-love and the process of change.
My published writings with the CPTSD foundation: *The Hidden Bugaboo. The Beganning. Twelve Days Without Coffee. Learned Helplessness. Cast Out of Eden by Toxic Shame. The Crumbs and The Banquet. What an Outside Appearance may Not Show. Obedience to the Light – Bombs or Love. Stepping Into the Shoes of Who You Are. Personal Honor, Integrity, Dignity, Honesty. Inspirational Tugging – Teachers. Codependency – Overriding the Monster of Self Hate.
