There is no healing without recognition of that which needs to be healed. Someone who has clogged arteries cannot heal those clogged arteries if they are unaware they have clogged arteries. To heal mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, or cognitively first requires an acknowledgment of some kind of deficit or wound. In order to acknowledge a wound one must become conscious or self-aware of such wound.

Most people do not question why they feel what they feel or why they do what they do. Most people are reacting to emotions and patterns of beliefs that were created decades ago in childhood while being downloaded at rapid speed before the age of seven. Most people are sleepwalkers, unaware they are unaware.  I too, spent most of my life under the illusion of consciousness, reactive, depressed, angry and frustrated. By the time my first marriage ended, I was a reactive bundle of nerves desperate for healing. I was only slightly aware that the problem was me and through the help of a psychotherapist, I slowly began the excruciating process of learning to observe the inner workings of my mind.

There was much I had to face. Not only did I have to face my part in manifesting a codependent and toxic marriage. I had to face the fact that in my unconsciousness I created three innocent souls who had witnessed people-pleasing, denial, arguing, anger, frustration, and power-plays in their parents’ relationship. Facing the guilt and shame of having my children be a part of the codependent dance my marriage was, meant facing the inescapable fact that my children had been downloaded for dysfunction and although wounding them in this way was unintentional, it was still a fact, a fact I had to face.

Healing from codependency means facing childhood wounds and learning to process the stored energy associated with experiences we were denied the right to experience. It also requires us to alter the neurological patterns that reside in the brain associated with codependent behaviors. The negative beliefs one holds about themselves also need to be brought to the surface, spoken about, chewed on, and reframed. Healing from codependency also includes facing the consequences of our childhood experiences that have impacted the people around us and most of all our children. It means owning the actions we have taken in our unconscious state and vowing to stay vigilant to a higher state of self-awareness and consciousness.

There can be no slacking for the one who wishes to heal from something as elusive as codependency. The natural state of man is unconsciousness. Healing requires a deliberate effort to force one’s mind into higher realms of consciousness where it is possible to live free of fear, anxiety, depression, denial, self-loathing, PTSD, the need to control, the fear of failure, and codependency.

It is difficult to imagine a place so free of angst that one’s consciousness can rest upon a field of total surrender and acceptance that allows for a being to be free of mental, emotional, physical, or psychological disturbances. For the mind that is accustomed to obsessive thinking, it can be almost impossible to believe such a nonresistant state of pure bliss can be attained. I understand those who struggle to conceive a state of being that is no longer emotionally or mentally impacted by outer disturbances and especially for parents who have children who wrestle with things like addiction, mental health issues, or who are in toxic relationships.

My idea of healing is simple yet complex. Healing requires I believe that the goal is nonattachment, surrender, and acceptance to what is and especially when what is is some disturbance I wish did not exist. Daily, my goal is to stay hypervigilant to the things and experiences in the outer world I wish to control yet know I cannot, nor do I  have a right to control. Each day I work to improve my faith in the universal law of cause and effect, knowing if I believe in the God within me, then I can believe in working to correct my thoughts, beliefs, and releasing emotions that do not serve a higher good.

If I can detach from the outer world of illusions and connect more deeply to the inner world that is an extension of Creator, it is far less of a struggle for me to forgive myself for things I did not understand while asleep and to forgive others. When I remember I am here to ascend the natural human ego, I am free from self-condemnation, self-hate, self-loathing, self-persecution, guilt and shame.

As I make the time to expand my consciousness, I am free to understand that all humans, including my children, are here in this 3D experience to learn their own set of specific lessons just as I and you have come to do. Through this lens, my children are not mine, so to speak. Instead, I am able to comprehend that my children are individual souls, extensions of God, who have come to be born again out of unconsciousness.

The journey of my children’s souls is no different than the journey of any other soul. They, like all people, are products of their environments, born unconscious, to unconscious parents, who have been downloaded to believe in illusions. It is an illusion to believe that happiness can be found in material things, or that other people can make you happy. It is an illusion to believe that you are not enough or that someone outside of you can make you feel enough. It is an illusion to believe someone outside of you can save you from the very developmental tasks every soul needs to overcome if they are to achieve peace, wholeness, and enlightenment.

It is my conscious desire to learn to expand control over my thoughts and emotions so that I can remain undisturbed by things about me I cannot control nor have a right to control. It takes effort to understand myself outside of the human ego and to stay conscious of minding my own spiritual business. In moments of unconsciousness, at any time codependent thoughts can seep into my mind, hijack my conscious desires and urge me to control, fix, rescue, interject, interfere, and become overwhelmed by my experience of other’s emotions, situations, and or conditions.

Healing then must be considered a conscious choice to put in the necessary effort to stay aware of one’s wounds, inclinations, and patterns while at the same time, doing all that is necessary to remain out of ego and above the veil of consciousness. In this space, we are free to love ourselves and others without condemnation or fear. Only in this detached space can we ever realize the necessity of personal challenges as it relates to evolving our souls and human consciousness, as well as honor others as mirrors to our own selves. No one is immune from the law of cause and effect or from having to work diligently at striving to live in a higher state of consciousness. Therefore, in you there I am and in me there you are. It matters only at one point in the soul’s journey we are on at any point in time. Make no mistake, we are all on the same precise journey.

Work on your Self. Know your Self. Honor your Self and as you do, you honor all that is, ever has been and ever shall be. Everything is YOU!

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Lisa Romano

Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach and Bestselling Author who specializes in Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse. She creates online Coaching Programs that help clients learn to process painful emotions, change limiting beliefs, and master life skills that allow them to make choices that empower them to live beyond their traumatic pasts.

Lisa also hosts her own podcast on Mental Health News Radio Network, the only podcasting forum committed to mental health. You can also find Lisa on YouTube and learn from her library of over 500 educational and healing videos. She is one of the most listened to meditation teachers on Insight Timer. To learn more about Lisa and how you can work with her visit www.lisaaromano.com.

To contact her or a member of her team: support.coach@lisaaromano.co -To subscribe to her YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI-EFu0wsJykzMW4Je191qQ?sub_confirmation=1