A series of 3 poems, shared by guest writer Kaylene, on her realizations through various stages of healing.
As I look up at the clouds,
I give a sigh and start to wonder.
Where I’m going, where I’ll stop,
Why I’ve been where I have been.
Are my choices all for nothing?
Has my story already been told
By someone who holds the answers
In the future, down the road?
If so, why won’t that person
Come relieve me of my heavy load?
And ease my troubles and my pain
And tell me how the story goes.
Still, no one comes and no one knows,
So I pretend I see the end.
I go about days like I have
All the time in the world to waste.
Filling the hours with meaningless tasks,
Missing the beauty and wonder around me.
Armed with a watch and calendar
I plan my life away…
While just outside night falls
And the dewdrops glisten on leaves.
And moonbeams cast a faint glow
On the world below.
And the stars cry out for me to
Watch them twinkle and fall.
But I’m too busy searching
For the meaning of it all.
Make your intentions known.
Who’d you come here to see?
If you’re asking for myself,
I’ve been gone for quite awhile.
Somewhere obscure, intangible,
Looking for what I lost.
I gambled on all the wrong people
And I’ve had to pay the cost.
I’m missing pieces of my heart.
They’re out there somewhere,
They’ve been repossessed by thieves.
I was blinded, so I apologize,
My vision’s still a little blurry.
Let me compose myself and
Regain my sense of balance.
Then I’ll get around to wondering
What happened to my sense of wonder.
And finally, I’ll attend to the real crisis at hand.
I’ll do everything in my power
To revive the passion that’s
Been slowly dying, gasping for air
Since it had no room to breathe.
Crying out for help, but not knowing which direction
To watch where the ray of hope would come from.
Tonight, someone came to rescue me,
Someone who carries a torch.
A messenger with a song,
Whose light shines bright and proud for all to see.
She reminded me I had a voice.
She understood my pain.
And from her beautiful, fiery spirit
Flew a spark of passion that reignited mine.
An inner battle rages on.
Who will win today?
Will it be my former self
or the woman I long to be someday?
There’s so many on the sidelines making bets,
Throwing their two cents around,
But if I let the crowd distract me,
I’ll just keep losing ground.
The mountain is beautiful,
The climb brutal…
A fall could prove fatal to my soul.
The wounds and scars are starting to show,
and it’s obvious this trip is taking its toll.
This cocoon is tougher than I thought,
I’m trying so hard to fly,
To burst out and show the world my beauty,
Like a shooting star in the sky…
Not so much for selfish reasons,
But for the fact that beauty inspires.
I want to share the passion I’ve found,
and the truths that I’ve acquired.
It seems the higher I climb,
the more I find it hard to breathe…
And the longer I stay in my fairy-tale world,
the harder it is to leave.
Because magical things have happened to me
Along this yellow brick road.
And I’m finally reaping a harvest
From all the seeds of faith I sowed.
So I guess this means that God’s been listening all along.
And the trials in my life have just been helping me get strong.
Hello. My name is Kaylene. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD as a result of child abuse. I have written a memoir called When the Mirror Shatters, which is available on Amazon.com. I was also interviewed on the Life’s Valleys and Mountaintops podcast (episode titled “From Diagnosis to Dreaming Again”). I write poetry and songs that I hope will inspire you on your healing journey.