I recently watched “George & Tammy” on SHOWTIME®, (incredibly well done!). It made my heart ache to watch it. The pain of two people struggling through addiction with seemingly no understanding of how to make it stop.

George and Tammy were wed in 1969 which happens to be the year I was born. I grew up with a violent alcoholic father and a co-dependent mother. I connected with George & Tammy’s story like thousands, if not millions of people who grew up the same way. It’s a story of a man who was wildly out of control and his wife who did her best to keep him functioning and project a semblance of normalcy to the outside world. Their beautiful voices and songs brought their reality to millions of people who lived every lyric.

The show accurately depicted just how depressing it is to be addicted and the devastating effects on those around them. I don’t understand why drunkenness and drug use are so celebrated in movies. It’s not something we want our children to aspire to or think it’s so cool. It’s not cool. Drunkenness and drug use is a paths laden with despair and lack of self-worth. It’s a hole of self-destruction that many will never emerge from. George eventually recognized his problem and sought recovery. Unfortunately, Tammy succumbed to drug addiction, but in my opinion, her use was driven by medical malpractice and chronic pain.

Let’s get to the hopeful part of this story . . .

Now, fifty years later, we understand drug and alcohol addiction is a disease. We no longer believe that a loving spouse will keep us from addiction (though it may help) or that it’s just a matter of willpower to stop. We have programs now, Alcoholics Anonymous, and many others that offer step-by-step counsel, group support, and instruction on how to get off alcohol and drugs and stay off.

I know many people are in despair about our lack of mental health support, but I also see we’ve made great strides. At least we know it’s needed. I think we’re finally truly considering what pushes us toward our desire to lessen or numb the realities of life. We turn toward quick fixes to ease our anxiety versus any self-reflection on what’s driving it.

Since I did grow up with an alcoholic, I have struggled with anxiety, fear-based thinking, and a lack of self-love. The core of why we turn to alcohol or drugs is to silence those inner thoughts that we aren’t good enough.  I uniquely understand the desire to use some substance to numb those feelings or just simply relax.

The train wreck of my father’s life keeps me from giving in to those urges. I’ve seen what alcohol and drug use devolves into for many. It’s a path I promised myself I wouldn’t go down. Don’t kid yourself that understanding comes with age. It does not. Addiction is a progressive disease; it worsens with age.

I do the hard work by looking inward and figuring out what I’m truly feeling and why. For me, my anxieties all boil down to a lack of self-love. I also think I have lots of company in this regard.

I listen to my own defeating internal dialogue and seek to change it with repeated, daily affirmations. I focus on being present in my life by living in the now. I meditate, exercise, and breathe deeply to release the anxiety from my body. I also pray daily. Spirituality is a big part of my healing journey. I’ve learned to accept myself and it led to me to have more compassion for others. I did all these things by searching for direction, guidance, and support. I found what works for me.

Seek and you shall find

I did have to look. I spend time figuring myself out and what helps me feel better. Helping others heal from dysfunctional families is my purpose and I will pursue an end to this suffering by whatever means possible because there is a cure, and it starts with you.

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LeeAnn Werner

LeeAnn Werner is an author and speaker regarding dysfunctional families. Her books, The Illusion of a Girl and The Illusion of a Boy are young adult thrillers based on her own childhood where she struggled to survive her violent alcoholic father. She hopes her story inspires others to move beyond their dysfunctional families and stop the cycle of abuse. You can check out her webpage and blog at www.illusionofagirl.com.