TRIGGER WARNING: This blog discusses childhood trauma.
As the cold winter darkness seems to never end, we all feel the need to slow down and to cosy up inside until spring. Unfortunately, we live in a society that doesn’t allow us to rest and preserve our energy for warmer days
We are told to push through it all. We have artificial lights everywhere. There are no excuses for restful hibernation. More and more people are diagnosed with SAD and are given medication to ride it out when, really, the remedy is for human beings to return to their natural rhythm and cycle, linked to Mother Earth. Winter is a time of retreat, after months of hard labour.
In ancient matriarchal civilizations, the Darkness of Life, of winter, was honored and celebrated. The Darkness symbolized the Goddess, the New Moon , the sacred womb – the Yoni, the Void – the sacred creative space. Early Christians demonized it. The Darkness became synonymous of the Devil, Hell, a place of Sin. The opposite of their God’s Light, to avoid at all costs.
Today, with the well-established “toxic positivity” we are encouraged to only focus on the Light. Darkness is associated with natural emotions such as sadness, anger, and despair are to be reframed, rejected, or ignored. It is called being negative to talk about adverse experiences.
Some of us, who have experienced deep childhood trauma are often shamed for experiencing strong emotions like those
We are advised to focus on the positive and to look at the bright side. This gives us the message our suffering isn’t valid. Lots of individuals want us to be inspiring heroes. Nobody wants victims. They want us to recover with big grateful smiles on our faces and assumed that, when we feel everything but happiness, we are probably not trying hard enough to find that silver lining. Some go to the extent of mentioning “Trauma Growth” a list of benefits deriving from childhood trauma.
There is nothing positive about being used and abused as a child. NOTHING.
We grow, and experience joy and fulfillment DESPITE our traumatic experiences, not because of them. We heal if we are lucky to have a loving and understanding support network, in a world obsessed with quick happy endings.
For many years, being a member of a popular religious organization, I tried so very hard to be positive, to smile through everything, and to feel gratitude for the hardships I suffered as a child because I was told they made me who I was. It went as far as being encouraged to feel gratitude towards my abusers as they were my teachers.
My sadness, my anxiety, and depression were called “fundamental darkness“, or coming from a negative Ego, to be challenged, to be transformed, and to chant away. When this didn’t work I was blaming myself for not trying hard enough. It made me feel as if something was deeply wrong with me.
A year of Gestalt trauma therapy and “practicing” Self- Compassion and learning from the Internal Family System (IFS), really changed my point of view:
I now know, my sadness, and depression aren’t fundamental darkness, or from an evil Ego: they are emotional flashbacks, from Inner Parts that are suffering, and whose experiences need validating. Inner Children who need the love and support they never experienced growing up.
There are no bad parts, bad emotions, or feelings. I’ve learned to turn toward my inner Darkness with love and compassion. I experience my most difficult days as opportunities to love and support myself, not as failures on my part. It was by finally acknowledging and accepting my deep-seated desire to die – a direct result of being an unwanted child and experiencing rejection and neglect – that I was able to find a joyful desire to live.
This year, as I opened myself up to the Sacred Feminine/ the Inner Goddess, I’ve felt the pull to explore Her Darkness. (Reading Burning Woman, by Lucy H. Pearce, and Shakti Woman by Vicki Noble, enabled me to reclaim myself). I went from experiencing darkness filled with real-life monsters to experiencing the loving, soothing, and weightless darkness of the Universe, through mediations, and visions. I saw myself floating in Space, with the stars and the Moon, feeling connected to everything and everyone, everywhere. I felt as if I was getting a big hug from the Universe.
As the end of 2022 approaches, take loving care of yourself on cold wintry days. Times are hard with “the Cost of Living” (in the UK) and the increasing poverty settling in. It is understandable to feel rather low, no matter how many Christmas lights surround us. It is by acknowledging both challenges – darkness and, joy – the light, that we find hope, compassion, and love for ourselves and for those around us.
Sylvie
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Writer – Blogger – Poet – Mental Health and Child Abuse Activist
Author of The Blossoming Lotus”
https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/blossoming-lotus
+Emotional flashbacks once discovering them , that they are of childhood neglect and abuse and not actual current emotions i find this amazing. I find these flashbacks thru out the day and alleviate them with ” mindfulness ” therapy as they arise and disappear. Thankyou so much for your contribution it is so True that mainstream churches are a little lacking in CPTSD ,( many people are the traumas from childhood emitting emotions into adult hood,how clever Our protection are so built in even though not needed in adult hood) , a book ” surviving to thriving” by pete walker with over 100 bibliography references from noted psychologists, therapists that have writtenen books over past four decades.It has sold so many copies it is now being printed in other languages I recommend it to any one that has incurred ,incurred CPTSD. , from ACA member ( adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families) survivor ,member MISSD member survivor ( medication induced suicide prevention and education) CPTSD foundation member survivor Bill+
William,
Thank you for your comment and for sharing some links. I have read most of Pete Walker’s articles on his website and purchase a couple of his books. I find him understanding and compassionate.
Take Care
Well said! Self compassion is key, and society always want an instant resilient hero. But when it’s cold, the storms are heavy the closer to the peak you get. But once you’ve reached the summit, the sun and beauty look like no other. So let winter be on your head, but let eternal spring be in your heart! There is no easy way and that’s the gratifying thing about healing. Be well . . .
Brad,
Thank you for your comment, what a poetic way to describe your process
Take care