We are all unique in the way we look, talk, and interact with others. Everyone’s personalities are divergent, even identical twins have different personalities even though they look the same. There is no one in the whole world like you! Think about that for a moment… There is no one in the whole world like you. So why is it that we are all so unhappy with ourselves? I don’t think I have come across a single person who is completely happy and at ease with who they are and how they look. Women often talk about dieting and giving up eating this and that because it is “bad”. Fitness and the lack of going to the gym is always something both men and women focus on as excuses as to why they haven’t attended one recently. Men often focus on money, or the lack of it, and want more in their careers. Women and men focus on looks and how they appear to others, wishing they had smaller waistlines, nicer hair, less crooked noses, bigger biceps, washboard abs, longer legs, or smaller feet. The list is never-ending! Whatever it is, people tend to have that one thing they are constantly battling with. I wonder why that is. Why are we all unhappy with who we are and how we look?
Many people spend thousands of dollars every year to change something about their appearance that they don’t like. Some people spend it on magic diets, hair dye, makeup, fragrances, and lotions, whilst others spend their money on tattoos and piercings. Instead of spending our hard-earned cash on quick fixes, why can’t we celebrate who we are and our differences? Without it, our world would be very different. I’m not saying, don’t go on a diet or buy that expensive car. I’m saying will it make you any happier? Do your friends and family really care that much that you must starve yourself and deny your urges to eat, for them to accept you? If that is the case, then that relationship is not conducive to your happiness nor is it helping you move on.
If everyone in the world wanted to only eat corn and no other vegetable, all our fields would grow corn to the detriment of any other vegetable. How boring would that be? If everyone wanted to only watch football, then there would be no other sport. Imagine that!? Our world would be boring! If everyone wanted to work at the same place there would be nothing else. Our world would be insular and yet most people strive to be like someone else. Why are we unhappy with who we are?
Every single one of my “faults” was the focus of constant derision
As a survivor of abuse, I grew up unwanted. I was reminded of how ugly and useless I was every day. Every single one of my “faults” was the focus of constant derision. I was stupid and couldn’t think for myself, so my abuser had to do it for me. My life was set out by rules of when and how to speak, what to wear, and how to behave or there would be punishments. Once I left my childhood firmly behind me, I realized that there was a whole world out there where people are different. I saw people through my “innocent eyes” as free. Free to be who and what they wanted to be and it was accepted. I could hardly believe that such freedom existed, and nobody seemed to care. I know now that part of having lived through abuse is to be shackled to shame and guilt because it is part of that environment. The abuse itself is conditioned to feel not only suffering and pain but also the loss of control. The 21st century is the opposite and I love the world we live in because of the freedom it provides.
Our world today is fast-paced and forever changing. Provided you live in a relatively built-up cosmopolitan area, you can eat food from any nationality at the click of your finger and deliver it to your door! 40 years ago, that would have been impossible and yet, here we are, spoilt for choice! Most people have cell phones and by having one, the world is literally at your fingertips. You can order anything you want online and provided you pay your bill; no one cares what you do. It’s the same with traveling; if you own a cell phone, you can book a ticket to go almost anywhere with just a few clicks. Life has become easy if you welcome technology in your life.
Choices
If you tend to put on weight easily, then be kind to yourself. Your body is part of who you are, and you shouldn’t feel like you must limit life constantly and hold yourself hostage to what you can and can’t do. Life is too short! So go and have that slice of cake with that old friend and indulge in hot chocolate with whipped cream. You deserve it!
If you choose to not be in a relationship and have kids, then that is your choice. Don’t let anyone bully you into doing something that will make you unhappy because it fits with what others do at a certain age. Your life is your own and you decide what is best for you. If people cannot accept you for who you are, then they are not friends.
If you work hard and are up for a promotion, go for it! Don’t let anyone hold you back in your aspirations to go for your dreams. People will always have opinions and some voice them louder than others. Ignore it, most of it is based on jealousy.
If you like shopping and want to look your best every day, then why not? You deserve to feel happy with yourself and if clothes do that for you then treat yourself to those new shoes or that new outfit. You deserve it!
….. And if life becomes too much, allow yourself a well-deserved break. Go on a vacation to clear your head and get away from it all for a while. Once you have a clear mind, you are in a much better position to decide what you want out of life and whether a change is in your future. Whatever you decide, it is your choice and yours alone. Don’t choose a career in the army, just because everyone in your family was in law enforcement. If it isn’t making you happy, then why do it?
Don’t get caught up in the drama of other people constantly complaining about what is wrong with you
What I mean to say in this article is; don’t get caught up in the drama of other people constantly complaining about what is wrong with you. Life is too short, especially if you are an abusive victim. Instead, celebrate the goodness in your life. You are uniquely wonderful just the way you are! The life you choose to lead is what will make you happy, not people’s opinions. You live inside your body, not your friends or your family. Grab life firmly with both hands and go for it. Be yourself, follow your heart, and be happy!
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Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. She suffered sexual abuse throughout her childhood and witnessed unspeakable events. Elizabeth survived in an environment where most people would not. She is now able to help other survivors heal from trauma through her writing and blogs. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. There is always hope.
Elizabeth is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle. https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Offenders-Daughter-Story-Survival-Against-ebook/dp/B0BBSV97VF/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=0pSdX&content-id=amzn1.sym.cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_p=cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_r=134-9913214-5397651&pd_rd_wg=MPpMc&pd_rd_r=d375a758-2d9b-4c6e-9aee-52c1f5a4e6f7&ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk
Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith” available here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQRNST2B?binding=kindle_edition&qid=1711883073&sr=8-2&ref=dbs_dp_rwt_sb_pc_tkin
