Hoover Elementary School sat on the top of a hill in my small town of Oklahoma. The u-shaped building made for a great raceway as little feet puttered quickly from gym to classroom, art room, lunch room, and playground, with teachers inevitably shouting, “Slow down! Watch out!” while pausing to lift up those who had stumbled over their awkward, still-developing feet.
I loved school. It was a place of creativity, knowledge, and play, where I felt nurtured. Of course, it was also where I made friends.
Around age 6-7, I met Nikki. We became fast friends. We spent every recess together, lots of playdates (I loved going to her house to see her bunny!), and even had gymnastics class together.
As we can do when we are little, I thought Nikki and I would be friends forever 🙂
Then, one day in 4th grade, Nikki walked over to me with another girl by her side and, without any ceremony, said, “You aren’t my friend anymore. She’s my best friend now.”
I can’t recall saying anything back. Too shocked to find any words. I remember feeling stunned and like my whole body had turned to cement.
She promptly spun around as only little girls can and sauntered away.
When I think about the first time I felt shame, this moment comes to mind. And even if I could search my memory and find something earlier, this moment left an indelible mark on my sense of self.
It began a major belief that I would spend decades battling: “I am unwanted.”
This core belief was reinforced or added to by the people who harmed me in the future years of my life: my grandfather, partners, and bosses.
And of course, because I was already convinced of the truth of this, even when there was so much counter-evidence that it could fill a whole grain silo, I couldn’t be convinced.
Unraveling this shameful message took a lot of work! But today, having used the Beyond Surviving Method and deeply tapped into the love of the best friends I have in my life who never spin and walk away, I have released this shame and found deep, solid self-love.
So much so that, should someone decide to do an about-face, I know today that this means nothing about me!
If you take a moment to consider the shame messages that are still impacting the way you think and feel about yourself and are ready to learn how to release that dysfunctional shame, I do so hope you’ll reach out to connect with me.
To self-love,
P.S. If you’re ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
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