Empathy: The Double-Edged Sword
Being an empath means feeling deeply, not just for others but also for ourselves. The challenge arises when these deep feelings become too much, causing our nervous system to hit the brakes. It’s like having a heart that feels everything amplified by a brain that sometimes can’t handle the volume.
In my own journey of trauma recovery, I found that empathy—both receiving and giving—could tip me into a freeze state. Imagine being with someone who is genuinely empathetic, whose compassion and understanding are so palpable that it feels like a warm hug for your soul. For many, this would be a balm, a healing touch. For me, at times, it was overwhelming. The intense emotional connection could flood my system, making me feel vulnerable and exposed, triggering that old familiar freeze.
Hence why, feeling empathy, both for others and for oneself, can be a powerful and healing experience. However, for those with a history of trauma, empathy can also be a source of dread. This paradox stems from the fear of feeling and the overwhelming emotions that empathy can evoke. For many trauma survivors, this emotional intensity can trigger the freeze response—a deeply ingrained survival mechanism that can hinder healing.
In my own journey, the dread of empathy was a significant barrier. I feared feeling deeply because I knew it could lead to immobilization, a state where my body would shut down to protect me from overwhelming emotions. This fear of empathy, while protective, also kept me from connecting with others and myself in meaningful ways. Recognizing this pattern was a crucial step in my healing process.
Understanding why empathy can trigger the freeze response is essential. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk in “The Body Keeps the Score,” trauma survivors often experience hypersensitivity to emotions. This hypersensitivity can make the presence of empathetic individuals overwhelming, as their compassion can flood the nervous system with intense emotions that are difficult to process.
However, realizing this fear and understanding its roots can be incredibly liberating. It allows for a more nuanced approach to healing, one that acknowledges the need for safety and gradual exposure to empathy. This is where right-to-right brain communication and exteroception can play a vital role.
Right-to-right brain communication refers to the non-verbal, emotional exchange that occurs between individuals. It is the way we connect through tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. This form of communication can help create a sense of safety and connection without overwhelming verbal content. Dr. Daniel Siegel, in his work on interpersonal neurobiology, emphasizes the importance of attuned communication in fostering emotional regulation and healing.
Exteroception, the awareness of the external environment, can also be a powerful tool in managing the freeze response. By focusing on external stimuli, such as sounds, sights, and tactile sensations, individuals can ground themselves in the present moment, reducing the intensity of internal emotional experiences. This grounding can help prevent the freeze response from being triggered by overwhelming emotions.
For example, during a therapy session, rather than diving into intense emotional discussions, a therapist might guide a client to focus on the sensations of their feet on the ground or the texture of an object in their hands. This shift in focus can help the client stay connected to the present moment and reduce the risk of becoming overwhelmed by their emotions.
Dr. Peter Levine, a pioneer in trauma therapy, underscores the importance of gradual and gentle approaches to healing trauma. In his book “Waking the Tiger,” he explains how slow, mindful movements and attention to bodily sensations can help discharge the pent-up energy that fuels the freeze response. By integrating these practices, individuals can build resilience and capacity for handling emotions without becoming immobilized.
Incorporating these strategies into my own healing journey made a profound difference. I learned to appreciate the value of small, incremental steps in rebuilding my ability to feel and connect. Focusing on external sensations, such as the sound of birds outside my window or the feel of a soft blanket, helped me stay grounded and present. This practice of exteroception provided a buffer against the overwhelming flood of emotions that empathy could bring.
Additionally, engaging in right-to-right brain communication with trusted individuals created a sense of safety and connection. Simple, non-verbal cues like a gentle smile or a soothing tone of voice helped me feel seen and understood without the need for intense emotional exchanges.
Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory also supports these practices. By engaging the social engagement system through safe, attuned interactions, the vagus nerve is stimulated, promoting a state of calm and connection. This physiological response can counteract the freeze response and support emotional regulation.
As Tara Brach beautifully states, “Presence is not some exotic state that we need to search for or manufacture. In the simplest terms, it is the felt sense of wakefulness, openness, and tenderness that arises when we are fully here and now with our experience.” By cultivating presence through right-to-right brain communication and exteroception, we can navigate the dread of empathy and move towards a more integrated and resilient self.
In conclusion, understanding the fear of empathy and its connection to the freeze response is a crucial step in trauma recovery. By incorporating right-to-right brain communication and exteroception, we can create a sense of safety and connection that supports healing. This approach allows us to gradually rebuild our capacity for empathy and emotional regulation, paving the way for deeper connections with ourselves and others.
Photo by Shoeib Abolhassani on Unsplash
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Roseanne Reilly DipNUR, APCST, ERYT500hr CEP specializing in Restoring Safety to the Nervous System Repair
Roseanne comes from a Background of Nursing, She is an Advanced CranioSacral Therapist, Yoga Teacher and Educator and Somatic Emotional Healing Practitioner
Roseanne provides research based tools and resources for nervous systems restoration following chronic and trauma stress
She provides insights from her own healing journey towards recovery, through blogs, weekly resources, work shops, courses, 1 to 1 mentoring and small group sessions
Linkedin:https://www.linkedin.com/in/roseanne-reilly-3014a0200/
website address: https://handsoftimehealing.com/
This is a powerful article and a subject that I haven’t read about. I remember taking my husband to a large chemotherapy treatment center full of people in the lobby and hallways. I looked at these other patients and was completely overwhelmed by empathy. I had to stare at my watch for a while to get grounded. Thanks for the article.