Hey, how are you doing? Are you having a tough day or a great day?
Honestly, how are you doing today?
Have you had a break today to think about how you are really doing, or are you milling around fighting proverbial fires all around you?

The answers to those questions aren’t always easy to articulate, especially if you are living with Complex PTSD. People always ask, “How are you doing?” when you first meet them or arrive somewhere. Do we ever tell the truth?

We can live our lives relatively in secret

My name is Elizabeth, and I’m living with Complex PTSD. I have come a long way in my healing from my childhood trauma, but some things just don’t go away easily. I considered myself “fixed” a few months back. I was in a good place mentally, but then disaster struck, and my young son had to have several lifesaving surgeries. We got lucky because he survived, but even though months have passed, I am still dealing with the fact that I almost lost my son. It got me thinking that life is so precious and beautiful. I believe that we are put on this earth for a reason. My bones have seen decades come and go, but I’m not middle-aged, even though some days I feel like I’ve lived through so much. I’ve lived through so many things that most people have never experienced or even heard of, and I feel lucky to be here despite all that.

In this blog, I want to explore how looking into the past can help and guide you in the future. The question I posed above is a simple one that most of us hear repeatedly daily. People ask, “How are you,” without wanting the answer. It’s more of a greeting than a question, and I wonder why it has become that way. We used to be honest with each other, and I am sure we were all told as kids to “never tell lies.” Yet here we are in 2024, and we lie every day. We lie to other people, and we lie to ourselves because telling the truth would be too time-consuming. It might even take up precious time that your busy calendar does now allow for. So, we lie, get on with our day, and pretend we are “doing just fine.” We hide our emotions from ourselves and others, yet we are social creatures. We depend on other people for things like essentials and work. We would struggle if there were no plumbers to fix our leaky faucets. If there were no electricians to fix our blackouts, we would live in darkness and have no appliances and computers for the internet. We would be living like cavemen who grew and hunted their food. Our ancestors had to be tight to survive, but we don’t anymore. We can live our lives relatively in secret.

To feel anything, is considered a weakness

Trauma has a way of bringing a deep, dark rain cloud over our lives, and we forget who we truly are because we are hurting. When we feel down and sad, we want to lock out the world and block out the sun, to be alone with our feelings. We would much rather suffer in silence than talk about it, and that is not the right thing to do. I know that pain only too well, but I have also come to know something else. I am a lot stronger now than I have ever been, and if you have lived through trauma, then you are like me. You are strong because you survived. You got through it, and you are here, living and breathing like the rest of us. You know that if you are having a bad day and someone asks you, “How are you doing,” you will answer with a positive rather than anything else, even if your body is screaming that you feel XXX. We lie to others and ourselves, because to feel anything, is considered a weakness.

Have a go at telling yourself every day that you are strong and that you do matter. A positive mental outlook is important for us to stay healthy because our mind and body are connected. If your mind is struggling with a trauma memory, then soon you will start feeling this pain in other parts of your body. All feelings are important, and the hurt, pain, and anger have to come out somehow. You need to allow yourself time to feel and grieve for what has been but do not let that grief consume your future.

I’ve been healing from a harrowing past for a long time now and what I have learned is that no matter how much therapy and well-wishing people give you, the main part of the healing journey has to come from you. I found my rescue inside myself through my inner child. I went back to the little terrified girl that I was, and I gave her a path away from the hurt and the pain. Together, we walked out on our abusers’ holding hands and we talked and cried together on the way. We talked about everything that happened to us and I gave her the adult reasoning behind what was happening so that my young, scared self could process the “why?”. Together we talked about the way that we survived both back then and now because life still happens and it can be an emotional roller coaster to get through normal stuff like high school, college, and starting work. Going out to work can be brutal and fiercely competitive and no one seems to care. I learned a lot from the younger me about how brave I was and in turn, I revealed to my younger self how I got away and lived through everything that has happened since.

Have a go at telling yourself every day that you are strong and that you do matter

If you are a survivor like me, turn to your past and really connect with the younger you. I can assure you that you will be surprised by what you learn. This exercise is not meant to go into the trauma itself but to connect with yourself and how far you have come since you were young. By going back to the past, you will find hidden glimmers of who you truly are. You will discover some goodness in all that harrowing pain and it may surprise you. Those glimmers of goodness shaped you into the person you are today. They made you brave and strong. They changed you irrevocably and guided you away from those who abused you. Those glimmers of goodness steered you onto a different path – your path which leads to your future. That future is yours and yours alone. No one can tell you what to do anymore. You made it and you are free.

Be proud of who you are and notice how much you have achieved. Count your blessings in life and think how lucky you are to be alive right now. You are strong and brave because you lived.

My name is Lizzy, and I’m a survivor.

Photo by Li Yang on Unsplash

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

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Elizabeth Woods

Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. She suffered sexual abuse throughout her childhood and witnessed unspeakable events. Elizabeth survived in an environment where most people would not. She is now able to help other survivors heal from trauma through her writing and blogs. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. There is always hope.

Elizabeth is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle. https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Offenders-Daughter-Story-Survival-Against-ebook/dp/B0BBSV97VF/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=0pSdX&content-id=amzn1.sym.cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_p=cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_r=134-9913214-5397651&pd_rd_wg=MPpMc&pd_rd_r=d375a758-2d9b-4c6e-9aee-52c1f5a4e6f7&ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk

Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith” available here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQRNST2B?binding=kindle_edition&qid=1711883073&sr=8-2&ref=dbs_dp_rwt_sb_pc_tkin