The Alienated Child – An Impossible Choice

Through years of self-education about parental alienation, two major intertwining inevitabilities exist:

Number 1: As harmful as the curse of parental alienation is for millions of parents, child abuse is actively being inflicted upon the child and children.

Number 2: Even if a child engages in the difficult task of uncovering the truth and breaking down the harmful system upheld by the targeting parent, the child may find themselves trapped in a lose-lose situation.

Throughout my journey of alienation, I have heard thousands of parents share their experiences in similar situations:

In all these situations, a targeted parent lives with a bright red bullseye tattooed on their back. While the lashes become expected, they echo, burn, and scar like hell. These internal injuries serve as a constant reminder that our children have been taken from us. However, as this tale unfolds, I digress by focusing on the child(ren) who has been taken.

Parental alienation constitutes child abuse. This is understood and studied, and more court systems are initiating legislation to combat such abuses. It’s the word that resonates so profoundly: abuse.

My adult daughter has endured decades of narcissistic abuse—so much so that it seems increasingly likely she will remain in this relationship, as it is all she has known. While my pain is real, as an adult, I possess the tools to address such emotional vulnerabilities and take daily steps to continue my ongoing self-care.

I also believe that every alienated parent hopes their child(ren) will eventually uncover the truth about the nature of their relationship with their abuser. That said, can you imagine the emotional turmoil of being in a position where a child must choose to stay with either parent?

In the rare instances when an alienated child returns to the other parent:

Both of these tasks are nearly impossible, particularly for younger kids. Even a well-balanced and educated later teen could not process these two distinctive sets of emotions, and my fear is baked into this.

I believe that for most of our kids, even if they do uncover the truth, they would continue with their abusers to avoid having to make the difficult choices mentioned above. The same is true for a child who thinks the boat rocking would be strong enough to damage their relationship with both parents, leading to a seemingly insurmountable sadness.

If you are an alienated parent looking for support, please join our free PASS Program (Parental  Alienation Support Systems) by registering here: https://cptsdfoundation.org/parental-alienation/. We currently meet every Tuesday at 6 p.m. U.S. EST to support one another.

Cover Photo by Tijs van Leur on Unsplash