People tend to reach out for therapy when they are struggling – often after feeling like they have exhausted all other resources to feel better. The coping mechanisms that once ‘worked’ to manage life and make them feel better, or even just feel less bad, have stopped working. In these trying and scary times, more is needed – feeling like there is nowhere else to turn. Therapy may feel like a last resort.
While it may be hard to see beyond the pain when seeking help – this is exactly where the evolution toward healing begins. If you are a complex trauma survivor considering therapy, here’s what we’d like you to know about the healing process.
At Brickel & Associates, we embrace a trauma-informed, three-stage approach to care — although these stages (like people and relationships) are not entirely linear. Let’s explore what healing looks like in action.
Milestone 1: Asking for help is self-care.
Even before therapy begins, reaching out for support is taking the first step toward healing. It is creating a safe space dedicated to your well-being – solely focused on your care, growth, and healing.
It is a powerful reminder that you matter. You deserve to have a safe space for yourself, a place where your needs are heard and respected. Noticing you matter – deserving of self-care. That first step is a foundational part of the process.
Milestone 2: Building Safety Through the Therapeutic Relationship
For many survivors of complex trauma, a safe and stable relationship may never have been experienced before—especially one where someone shows up consistently with care and respect. Over time, the relationship between a trauma survivor and the therapist begins to serve as an example of what a safe and stable relationship can look like—safety in human connection.
This process takes time, as trust doesn’t come easily, particularly for those who have experienced abuse, betrayal or neglect in the past. As therapists demonstrate consistency, safety, and reliability, trust begins to form. Gradually, trauma survivors begin to experience that people can be consistent. They can show up for you. They can genuinely care about your well-being. They can do what they say they will do.
While an individual may have grown up with disorganized attachment (and have resulting Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), the therapeutic relationship can serve as a model for establishing healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, and self-care. Through this dynamic, a trauma survivor learns that relationships can foster growth rather than reinforce the belief that relationships are a source of pain.
The work toward safety and stability (stage one of trauma healing) includes reducing the use of harmful (maladaptive) coping skills – leading to choices for sobriety, healthy eating, emotional regulation, healthy movement, boundaries, self-care, and compassion in trauma-informed therapy. The therapeutic relationship is built upon the foundation that all trauma survivors’ experiences and coping mechanisms make sense, given their history. They are met with compassion and care. The goal is not to judge or invalidate; it is to create space for healthier coping strategies to take root – strategies that will replace maladaptive patterns with ones that support the present-day reality.
Milestone 3: Experiencing Safety in the Body.
As trust and safety deepen within the therapeutic relationship, the process of healing becomes more tangible. The experience of building a safe relationship that supports healing is not easy. Some of the work together is hard! Exploring painful relationships, difficult past experiences, and coping mechanisms can be challenging. It is not uncommon for survivors to encounter discomfort as they expand their emotional capacity.
Noticing this process fosters healing. A key part of trauma recovery is the widening of the window of tolerance – the ability to manage and remain grounded through emotional distress. As this window grows, individuals begin to notice that they can handle what’s happening in the present moment – they can stay grounded and present and be ok – having support along the way.
This expansive forward movement allows for a space that is further away from what was just F.I.N.E (an acronym from the recovery community and popularized by an Aerosmith song) or tolerated before, to a new understanding of what safety is. As growth and healing happen, and a person’s window of tolerance widens, trauma can be processed, and life can get better.
With increased emotional regulation, a trauma survivor can begin to experience safety in their own body. They learn that they alone own their body and control who has access to it. This newfound sense of autonomy marks a significant milestone in the healing process. Along with this empowered sense of self comes the freedom to express one’s voice, make choices, and create healthy boundaries—tools essential for maintaining safety and well-being in the present.
The integration of safety, stability, and trust developed during therapy supports the survivor in seeing the depth of their own resilience and capacity for growth.
Milestone 4: The safety expands out of the therapy room — to other relationships.
When you start to feel safer and more stable in yourself, now you can take that safety outside the therapy room and further into the life you are building. Perhaps it starts small: Saying hello to a new neighbor or that person who works on your floor that you think is cute — or even going to a support group, where you might practice your skills with a few more people. Maybe you start reaching out a little more — letting people in a little more, as you’re noticing that not all people are hurtful. You start to recognize the helpers, see the healing power of healthy relationships, and grow more comfortable with being vulnerable.
As trauma survivors experience healing, they begin to form new, healthier relationships built on trust and mutual support. These relationships not only contribute to their well-being, but they also create a network of support that is essential for continued healing. As they open up to others, they grow more connected, less isolated, (because people struggle to heal when isolated), and more resilient. Ultimately, they realize they are not alone. The support system built helps to ground and nourish. There is a home base, and that home base becomes you!
Milestone 5: Ongoing Healing and Growth
The healing journey doesn’t stop once the initial milestones are reached. The window of tolerance continues to expand, allowing survivors to access new resources and skills, including the ability to ask for help and even to allow that support to occur. The trauma endured continues to be processed, and survivors learn to integrate the past into a new, empowered narrative that starts to become their life today. Healing is not a destination – it’s a continuous process of growth and self-discovery. We are always healing!
If you’re ready to explore the healing potential of therapy, and you’re local to Alexandria, please reach out to our office. We are here to support you toward the healing and peace you deserve.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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Robyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 20+ years of experience providing psychotherapy, as well as the founder and clinical director of a private practice, Brickel and Associates, LLC in Old Town, Alexandria, Virginia. She and her team bring a strengths-based, trauma-informed, systems approach to the treatment of individuals (adolescents and adults), couples and families. She specializes in trauma (including attachment trauma) and the use of dissociative mechanisms; such as: self-harm, eating disorders and addictions. She also approaches treatment of perinatal mental health from a trauma-informed lens.
Robyn also guides clients and clinicians who wish to better understand the impact of trauma on mental health and relationships. She has a wide range of post graduate trauma and addictions education and is trained in numerous relational models of practice, including Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), and Imago therapy. She is a trained Sensorimotor Psychotherapist and is a Certified EMDRIA therapist and Approved Consultant. Utilizing all of these tools, along with mindfulness and ego state work to provide the best care to her clients. She prides herself in always learning and expanding her knowledge on a daily basis about the intricacies of treating complex trauma and trauma’s impact on perinatal distress.
She frequently shares insights, resources and links to mental health news on Facebook and Twitter as well as in her blog at BrickelandAssociates.com
To contact Robyn directly:
Robyn@RobynBrickel.com
www.BrickelandAssociates.com
