Have you ever stared at an email, felt a tightness in your chest, and thought, “I’m not ready for this”? You’re not alone. As someone who works with trauma survivors every day, I hear it all the time:
“I saw your email and meant to open it… But I couldn’t.”
“I’ve had this saved for weeks—I just haven’t felt ready.”
“I knew it was going to bring stuff up… so I avoided it.”
And guess what? That hesitation makes sense. Because when you’re living with the effects of trauma—especially complex trauma—everything that hints at healing can also stir up fear. Even something as simple as an email can feel like a trigger.
Why?
Because healing asks something of us, it asks us to feel, to remember, to face, to be present—and for many trauma survivors, those things haven’t always felt safe. That email might contain truths you’re not sure you can face yet.
It might suggest changes you’re scared to make. It might be a reminder of something you’ve been trying not to think about.
So your brain does what it learned to do to protect you: It says, “Let’s not go there today.”
And that’s okay.
Fear is not a sign that you’re failing. It’s a sign that your system is trying to stay safe. The key is learning how to listen to that fear without letting it decide your future.
Because behind that fear might also be a part of you that wants more. More freedom. More peace. More connection.
A life that’s about thriving—not just surviving.
But here’s the thing: healing doesn’t have to happen all at once. You don’t have to be “ready” for everything right now.
You just have to be willing to take one small step at a time. Sometimes, that step might look like opening a hard email.
Other times, it might be pausing to take a breath, texting a trusted friend, or just choosing to be kind to yourself today.
Whatever your pace—whatever your process—please know this:
You are not broken.
You are not behind.
You are not alone.
There’s no perfect timeline. No one “right” way to heal. But there is a path forward—and you get to walk it at your own speed.
So if you’ve ever flinched at a subject line, closed a tab halfway through reading, or scrolled past something that felt too real—know that that’s not weakness. It’s wisdom, protection, survival. And it can shift with time.
When you’re ready, the next step will be there.
And so will I.
With you in it,
Rachel
P.S. If you’re ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.
Photo by Mariia Shalabaieva on Unsplash
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I love, love, love this article! So relatable! I struggle to open emails and texts…don’t even get me started on listening to voicemails, lol. (Funny, not funny.) I like to transcribe voicemails into texts I can’t read them and not overthink the tone. Thank you so much for writing this and for the reminder to show ourselves grace along the way.
Ahhh thank you so much! I’m so glad this one landed with you. And yes – voicemails… whew, that’s a whole other level of scary! I love your idea of transcribing them into text first – such a smart workaround to take the pressure off. And you’re so right, giving ourselves grace along the way makes such a difference. I’m cheering you on as you find little ways to make things easier and gentler for yourself. 💛 I’d love for you to come join us here as a great place to share & connect further https://www.facebook.com/groups/realtalkwithrachel
Thank you for this post.
I have been struggling with this issue but didn’t know it was from trauma. I just always thought I was procrastinating.
I’m so glad this connected with you. It makes a lot of sense that it felt like procrastination – but really, your nervous system has just been working hard to protect you. Now that you have a new lens for it, you can meet yourself with more compassion instead of blame! 💛
If someone leaves me a voicemail, and says “call me”, or “please call me back,” with a certain tone, like a hurried tone, I get a surge of adrenaline, and I think somebody died or is in the hospital or had an accident, and if I call back they’re going to tell me that. I immediately start panicking.
What you’re describing is actually a very common trauma response. Your nervous system has learned to associate urgency or certain tones with danger, so it kicks straight into fight-or-flight the moment you hear them. That surge of adrenaline, the racing thoughts, the assumption that something terrible happened – all of that is your body trying to prepare you for impact.
The good news is: this is something you can work with. A few things you can start practicing:
Pause before reacting – notice the adrenaline rush and name it: “This is my nervous system responding, not necessarily the truth.”
Grounding – plant your feet, take slow breaths, or name five things you see in the room. That can help your body downshift before you call back.
Reality check – remind yourself that most calls don’t carry bad news, and that tone of voice doesn’t always mean danger.
With repetition, you can retrain your nervous system to not jump to worst-case-scenario!
How much is the program?
Everything I do is customized for each individual, so I like to have a complimentary session so I can better understand where you’re at in your journey and then determine what resources/programs will be best. One way or another – we can find something that works for you! So definitely fill out the form and we’ll get you on the calendar 🙂
OMG!!! So relate to this: phone messages, mail, knocking on my door. I haven’t committed a crime yet always feel like a criminal and the handcuffs are just moments away. So damn weird. This explains my hyper-vigilant, guilt, shame and fear way I see the world. Thank you so much. 🌷
You’re so welcome – I’m really glad this clicked for you. What you’re describing makes so much sense. When you’ve lived with trauma, the nervous system learns to stay on high alert, scanning for danger even when there’s none. That “I must have done something wrong” feeling is a survival response, not who you really are.
The fact that you can see this pattern now is powerful – awareness is the first step in loosening its grip. And you’re not alone in this at all. Many survivors share the exact same reaction to those everyday triggers like mail, calls, or knocks at the door.