6 Steps to Manage Your Anger: From A Trauma Survivor

How are you doing today? I mean, really… How are you doing?

I got really angry last week with a colleague who offended me about my work. I had done nothing wrong; I was only guilty of caring for a child who needed emotional support when no one else noticed. I rarely get angry, but the other teacher’s insulting words made me see red. I had to leave the teacher’s lounge and try to walk it off before the end of recess.

In this article, I explore the topic of managing anger for trauma survivors who are living with Complex PTSD.

People choose to turn away from trauma and ignore the truth, although trauma is everywhere. The news cycle is constantly spitting out story after story of a world full of pain and suffering.

For trauma survivors, looking away is not possible because it is a part of us.

The anger is impossible to ignore.

During my healing journey, I have learned that there are no wrong feelings. It’s how we react to those feelings that proves what kind of people we are.

Dealing with and healing from Complex PTSD presents a complex state of living. Trauma changes the very essence of who we are and how we handle situations. Healing from trauma is like living with grief.

There are five stages of grief during a healing process.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Source: Kübler-Ross grief cycle model from article: The Five Stages of Grief: https://www.psycom.net/stages-of-grief

These stages are vital in recovering from grief–and notice how anger is the second on the list. Trauma survivors are familiar with all of these stages, as they regularly appear in our everyday lives.

We experience the grief components of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance over and over. They can happen all at the same time when we are triggered. Thus, trauma survivors may feel things more intensely because it all feels so overwhelming and sudden. We also tend to struggle with grief because those feelings seem so “normal” to us.

Anger

Anger is an intense emotion where the adrenal glands in our bodies release stress hormones called adrenaline and cortisol. We feel flooded with an intense surge of energy as our brain reacts by sending blood away from our core into our muscles so that we are prepared for a physical reaction. Our blood pressure increases with our heart rate, and we experience a rise in body temperature. We might sweat, but our minds are focused and sharp.

Anger is a normal part of the grief process, and I recognize that it plays a big part in the healing from trauma. Feeling angry is natural. You may often feel “on edge” and “irritated” by people around you who simply “don’t get you.”

You have a right to feel angry, but it is how you channel that anger that is vital to your healing journey.

I know by my own experience that when we feel emotional, we aren’t always perceptive to those around us. We often make mistakes, and we apologize or regret our actions afterwards. We frequently take our anger out on the people we love the most, and this emotion shows itself in explosive rages. We know it isn’t right, but we still do it because they are closest to us.

What do you do when you feel angry? Where do you go? Who do you turn to? Is there an outlet where you can channel that anger into?

It is natural to feel angry and for those strong emotions to come to the surface to be dealt with. In fact, it is vital to voice that anger, though it is not healthy to be angry all the time. There has to be a balance in our healing. All feelings are important in our recovery, and anger is one of them. If you are feeling angry every day, your body experiences a chronic surge of stress hormones, which opens you to negative biological side effects like:

• Headaches
• Abdominal pain
• Insomnia
• Depression
• High blood pressure
• Increased anxiety
• Skin problems

These symptoms are the result of the body being in a heightened state of stress. Too much adrenaline and cortisol are not good for us. Many survivors with Complex PTSD have one or several of these symptoms. If you are feeling out of control emotionally, you need to try to recognize this feeling and incorporate some strategies to help your body get back in control.

Here are some coping strategies  I use when I am feeling angry:

1. Go for a walk and move away from the situation or people who made you feel angry.
2. Take notice of your breathing and try to calm your breath to a regular rhythm. If your heart rate is raised, you are not calm! Focus your eyes on a point in the distance and stare at it. Take in the details. What do you see?
3. Recognize the emotion for what it is. “I’m feeling angry because…” is a great way to start. Let the emotion wash over you like a waterfall.
4. Once you know why you are angry, come up with a solution for how you can move on.
5. Do something physical–go for a hike, a run, or do another sport to get rid of the stress hormones in your body. Then stretch or do something to cool down from that activity.
6. Talk to a friend or someone you trust about how you feel. It is healthy to turn to others in times of stress, and just being listened to and supported can help much more than words.

When I am really angry, I need physical activity to calm my senses. It is the only thing that helps me because, without it, the emotion will only grow. That anger will start to consume me, which is when I start making decisions that are not right for me or those around me. Sport helps me focus, and feel better. Physical movement helps me to experience calmness as the adrenaline of the exertion leaves my body.

Another alternative for me is music, as I play several instruments. I immerse myself in the rhythms and nuances of the vibrations and let the music flow deeply through me. Feeling alive and in the moment are the things that get me through my anger.

A Final Note

Close your eyes for a moment and think about your feelings right now. How are you today? Notice your heartbeat and the rhythm of your breathing. What is your body telling you? If the answer is angry, think about what you can do to feel better. How can you channel that anger?

Do you have a place where you can literally “let it rip”? Do you have such a safe place?

Think of activities you can do when you are angry (or any other emotions you might have). It is always good to have a backup for a rainy day of emotions. It is, after all, thanks to those emotions that we are who we are.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are less. We are all important, and we each have unique and personal reactions to life events. You do matter ,and healing is hard. It takes time. Express your feelings–get them out and recognize them for what they are. We don’t want to judge what we feel, but we recognize that it is not at all healthy to keep anger, or any of our emotions, locked inside. Find a channel to release them, and get rid of the negativity that burdens the body, the mind, and the soul.

You will feel so much better after you have allowed yourself to experience anger.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484

Here are a few links to my top articles:

How To Explain Complex PTSD To Loved Ones

https://medium.com/illumination/how-to-explain-complex-ptsd-to-loved-ones-769f81d437ab

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Dealing With Flashbacks

https://medium.com/illumination/dealing-with-flashbacks-1b8c0d94c19d

The Knock on the Door that Changed My World

https://medium.com/illumination/the-knock-on-the-door-that-changed-my-world-ff126c8c07cf