The Knock on the Door that Changed My World: Domestic Violence can Happen to Anyone

It was late, and my kids had gone to bed a few hours before. I was tired and getting ready to call it a night. A sudden knock on the door made me look up from my keyboard. It was a gentle knock, almost as if it had not even happened.

“Did you hear a knock?” I asked my husband.

“No, maybe that raccoon has come back.” My husband went to check that our trash cans were secured in place.

When he was gone, I heard the same knocking sound again. It was a little more forceful this time. But there was definitely someone at the door.

Who would be knocking on our door at 10:30 at night?

I went to the hallway and peered out the window. A small shape stood on our doorstep, and I heard whimpering. The shape looked familiar, but I couldn’t place who it was in the dark. Our porch light was broken, and it gave me no help.

I opened the door, and a form fell into my arms.

“Lizzy, I can’t take it anymore.” My friend Abigail (Not her real name) was sobbing in my arms.

I froze in my spot and just held her as she cried.

“Honey!” My husband called after me.

“Yeah, I’m here. Can you make some herbal tea?”

“Sure thing.” My husband peeked through the hallway and saw me with a sobbing Abigail. He disappeared into the kitchen without a word.

“Let’s get you inside, and you can tell me all about it,” I murmured, as we hobbled into the house. I noticed that she was limping and favored her left side. Alarm bells screamed in my ears, and I felt an awful sensation in my stomach.

I settled my friend on the sofa and brought her a box of tissues, allowing her a few minutes to pull herself together. This was unlike her to show up late at night.

Abigail took her time, but I’ve been crying at her house many times in the past, so I copied what she normally does for me. It felt strange, seeing my friend distraught. It was so unlike her.

“It’s Chris (not his real name),” she sniffled. “He (sob) is hurting me.” Her crying started up again; this time I moved closer and hugged her. She flinched and retracted her right arm. My sick feeling intensified. I knew without knowing what she was going to say. Her body was screaming at me for help. I knew that feeling, and my heart broke into pieces for my friend.

My husband surfaced with two cups of chamomile tea. He set them on the table and quietly retreated into the den. Without being asked, he returned with a pillow and some bedding. I nodded a silent thanks.

I knew it was going to be a long night. Abigail needed me.

“Abs, where are the girls?” She has five-year-old twins.

“They’re staying at Mom’s tonight. I went for a drive. Lizzy, I can’t do it anymore.”

I held my friend for a long time while the sobs took over her slim body. I noticed she had lost weight. She wasn’t normal Abs anymore. Guilt took over me as I racked my brain over how long it had been since I saw her. Was it last week or the week before that we met in the park?

“Talk to me, Abs. What’s going on?”

My friend started explaining, in between sobs, that her husband, Chris, had been hitting her. It started when he lost his job, and got worse. He’d hit her once before when the girls were babies, but apologized quickly. Abs didn’t know what to think, and she believed him. She told me Chris had started drinking heavily and gambling away all their savings after he got laid off. Now, she was scared every time he returned home. She showed me her bruises but refused to let me take her to the ER.

We stayed up talking until way past 2 AM. Together, we made a plan for her to leave Chris and move in with her mom and dad. I advised her not to return home and to give me the key to pack up their stuff when Chris was out.

Domestic violence happens everywhere, but it’s hard to spot it–even when it seems obvious. Heck, I’m a trauma survivor, and I missed it in my dear friend. Abs had never shown me the bruises, and when she said Chris was working late at a bar, I believed that he was working and not drinking himself stupid.

What is Domestic Violence?

• Domestic violence is when someone in a relationship or family hurts or controls another person to scare or dominate them.
• Domestic violence can include physical, emotional, sexual, and/or financial abuse.
• Anyone can experience domestic violence, regardless of their background.
• Domestic violence is never your fault.
• If you are experiencing domestic violence, reach out to family, friends, or a doctor. There is help available from numerous community centers, non-profits, spiritual organizations, and activism groups. To start, try The National Domestic Violence Hotline, with free help available 24/7: 800–799–7233.

Here are some signs of Domestic Abuse:

• Violent, threatening, or controlling behavior to make a partner feel scared and unsafe.
• Humiliation and constant criticism.
• Sudden signs of anxiety and fear.
• Inappropriate clothing for the season (long sleeves in hot weather to hide bruises and injuries).
• Change in job performance: errors, slowness, lateness, absenteeism, and lack of concentration.
• Emotional distress, such as sadness, depression, or suicidal thoughts.
• Isolating the victim.
• An abuser acts as if they own their partner.
• Lying to make themselves look good.
• Dominating conversations.
• Checking up with constant texts and phone calls.
• Suggesting they are the victim.

Abuse must stop. If you know of anyone who is experiencing abuse at home, please reach out and report it.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a mom, teacher, and trauma survivor.

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