Love Me the Most when I Deserve it the Least

Everyone makes mistakes in life–it’s human nature. It’s how we grow after making those mistakes that matters.

It doesn’t matter if you’re young or old, you still make the “wrong choices” at times.

You end up hurting people, and you get hurt, too.

Sometimes you do it on purpose, when your emotions run high and you lash out. You say things that you don’t mean in the heat of an argument, or when you are triggered by a trauma memory.

Most of the time, you don’t really mean it.

But…

Actions have consequences and words can cut deeply.

Have you ever made a wrong choice that really hurt someone? What happened? Did the person forgive you, or did you walk away and lost a friendship over it?

Children can teach us the simplest things, and I want to share how my young son taught his friends forgiveness and love.

One night, my youngest came to me looking sheepish when his brother wasn’t in the room. He said: “Mommy, I did something bad.”

My heart sank when I heard those words because I immediately thought something terrible had happened. Then I realized it was my son, who never put a foot wrong and is popular in school. He cares for everyone he sees and treats animals with the same care as people. I couldn’t begin to count the times that we’ve had an emergency slug hospital, or bug hotel in the yard, so that my son could care for those who needed his help after a storm–or just life.

I thought: how bad could it be? Did he accidentally step on one of his “patients?”

I gave him my full attention; we sat side by side as he began to talk. It took a lot of courage for him to admit what happened.

He told me one of his friends was being picked on by another friend. He was feeling torn between them, and decided not to pick sides.

He said he knew that he did the right thing by staying out of their squabbles, but it kept on happening at school.

The boys got into a fight over my son’s friendship. Other kids joined in too, egging them on until fists got involved. The teachers intervened when someone asked for help.

My son did nothing. He was frozen, and didn’t know what to do.

One of the boys got a nosebleed. The other broke his wrist when he was pushed and stumbled, making him fall down a small set of stone steps.

My son was crying when he told me that he felt responsible. He felt that it was all his fault because his friends fought over him.

I held him in my arms as he sobbed, and gave him all my love as we talked it out. I reasoned that we can’t control what other people think, or say, or do, even if they blame us. Neither boy wanted to speak to him after that.

He was simply caught in the middle of two friendships.

I told my son that now was the time to mend bridges. He needed to be the “bigger man,” and fight for both friendships–if that’s what he wanted.

He came home one Friday with a beaming smile after inviting both of his friends to play at our house today. As I write this, they’re sitting in the tree house thinking I can’t hear them from the porch.

My heart is going out to my young son, who has taken it upon himself to talk to his friends “man to man,” about not fighting no more. About being the “bigger man” and “be friends together,” and how he likes them both for who they are.

My son has learned at a young age that friendship is worth fighting for, and that forgiveness is something we should all practice.

I’m proud of the young man my son is becoming. I wish everyone was a peacemaker at times.

My son’s situation made me think about how adults treat each other.

Have you ever made the wrong choice, or said the wrong thing, that sat in your stomach like a lead balloon afterwards?

How did you handle it? Did you try to talk it out with the person you hurt? Did they forgive you?

I hope so, because friendships matter.

Life is too short to hold simple grudges. Most situations like my son’s friends can be resolved when we communicate. How often do adults solve their differences this way?

As a trauma survivor, I tend to hold on to my feelings and not “talk them out” when someone hurts me. I know that it’s not the best way to deal with something, and at the end of the day, losing friends makes us lonely. It’s far better to stand up for what is true, and say it.

Being forgiven by someone after doing wrong is an incredible feeling. As a trauma survivor, I don’t always make the best choices but I also know that I can fix them and when I do, it’s like inviting the sunshine back in my life.

Love me the most when I deserve it the least. Think about that, and what you can do right now to make it true.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

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More from Elizabeth Woods:

• How Do You Manage Stress?

• Are You Feeling Valued?

• Challenge Vs. Struggle

Photo Credit: Unsplash

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