Abuse Happens – Even During the Holidays

It is almost Christmas. A season for families to get together and spend quality time catching up on the year that has been. Most families have relatives who travel home from out of the State or even from other countries. We live in a fast-paced world where the internet keeps us hooked behind a screen for hours every day. Most of us use a computer for work in some form, and many people work long hours. The Christmas season can feel daunting because there is pressure to get everything done before the big day arrives, and emotions can run high when adults get stressed. No matter what you are doing to prepare for the holidays, you must try to take time for the people who matter the most. Take a beat and listen to each other about how they are feeling as things get crazy just before the holidays. It’s easy to lose focus on the little things and what is important during stocking up on food, gifts, cleaning, and decorations. Our houses are turned inside out as we prepare for the holidays by baking, cooking, and decorating throughout the house and our yards. (if you have one.)

Self-care

It is vital to take time out for yourself in the build-up to Christmas. The stores and food markets are teeming with products and people. It can get a little wild out there, and it’s important to think about our own health. If you fall apart, then who’s going to wrap those presents and get the house ready for family and guests?

Have you had any time for yourself today? Do any of your family members or friends need support? Even a brief conversation to check in on someone who is struggling can mean so much to the other person.

Who is watching the kids in all the preparation mayhem? Do they have to tidy their bedroom for a long-awaited relative to come and sleep in their room? How are they feeling about it all? Do we even stop and listen?

For me, as a survivor of child abuse and trauma, the holiday season comes with mixed emotions every year. Now that I am an adult, I can enjoy the holidays with my family and see the excitement the festivities bring to my own children each year. Being a mom is a wonderful gift, and I treasure my kids every day of the year. The holiday season is also a reminder that not every child is as lucky as my kids. I was that child once, and I sometimes had the worst time of my life during the holidays because I was forced to see my bio-father, who was a sex offender, and so were his friends. I feel that I must write about these children because they still exist nowadays. Please keep an eye out for children who seem like they are not enjoying the holiday season this year. Don’t let them just slip away by doing nothing. If you see signs of abuse, you must report it. There are far too many children who are suffering from abuse, and the holiday season is especially a time to keep an eye out for anything that doesn’t seem right.

“I can only hope that we’ll one day wake up in a better world, where children are no longer being abused or mistreated.” ChildInsider.com

Our world has changed a lot since the 70’s and 80’s, when people would rather brush things away and ignore child abuse than face it and help a child. The stigma around talking about sex has changed in recent years. TV, films, and other media are open about sex and relationships. We have the internet and social media, where anyone with an internet connection can look up information and news. There is worldwide exposure to sexual abuse scandals being brought out into the open. People are beginning to talk about it more, but it is still not enough. Knowing that sexual abuse or any kind of abuse is happening in our society is one thing. Accepting that it is happening right now, here in your city or town, and doing something to stop it is another.

Do you have what it takes to stand up and help a child who is being abused? Do you know how to do it? Who to call?

The ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline 800-422-4453 is available 24 hours a day here in the US. 

In the UK, you can contact the NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) Helpline by calling 0808 800 5000

In my opinion, if as many as one more child suffers from abuse the way I did, it is one child too many. We can prevent this from happening by being vigilant. Let’s try to stop these sexual criminals from hurting our most precious gifts – our children! Our future! Our everything! The joy of growing up in a nurturing and stable environment is something every child deserves.

Signs of child abuse:

A child who is being exposed to sexual abuse or any abuse will use coping mechanisms to survive the trauma in any way they can. I know, because I was an abused child throughout my childhood, but it doesn’t matter if the abuse happened just once or repeatedly. If a child has been abused, their lives will have changed, and so will their behavior. It can be a gradual or instant change. These are some of the behaviors that an abused child might display:

Trust
An abused child will not trust anyone and will be suspicious of new situations. They may seem hypervigilant and suspicious of anyone. A child who is being abused becomes very good at reading people around them and deflecting attention away from them.
Health
A child who is suddenly developing chronic headaches, feeling sick, or having urinary or STD infections is a sign that everything may not be well
Emotional outbursts
Abused children may come across as not being in control of their bodies; for example, they might display various emotions in quick succession, like anger followed by sadness followed by running away, almost like a traffic light is changing colors at an intersection. The same child may react very oddly to certain situations, like laughing if someone is hurt or starting to cry profusely at a bumblebee that is lying dead in the grass.
Posture/image
Watch how a child holds themselves, how they walk, and how they behave around other children. An abused child may seem unusually jittery and tense.
Language
Watch their language. What does it sound like? Would a normal 6-year-old use “those words,” or can you hear something strange? A child might start ‘making up’ stories and drawings of the abuse or making up characters who act like abusers. The child might use language that they have been exposed to that contains words a child should not know.
Physical contact
A child might suddenly hate physical contact or being touched and recoil if anyone touches them.
Hiding and unusual attachments to objects
A child might feel so scared and threatened that s/he hides. A child might be overly attached to a blanket, a pillow, or a teddy bear. Having something soft and tactile could be a small relief for a traumatized child. Pay attention to anything that “feels wrong.”

An older traumatized child may suddenly withdraw from everyone. Please pay attention to how this happens and what might have triggered it.

Pushing limits / hurting others/violence
An older child may be starting to break the limits. What happens if?… Destroying property and hurting others. A child might feel threatened and become paranoid. They may become enraged or distressed and be rough with toys or animals.
Terror
A child might suddenly get terrified of something that reminds them of their abusers/s. I was terrified of clowns and often had nightmares about clowns entering my room at night and hurting me. I also developed a phobia of snakes.
Crying
A child might start crying without a reason and not be able to stop, or become hysterical over nothing, or suddenly become angry at the sight of men with beards or someone with glasses. This could be an unconscious reaction to someone who reminds them of their abuser.

There are many ways that abuse manifests itself in children’s behavior, and it is our responsibility to act on anything that doesn’t see right. Children are all different, and the behavior one child displays is different from another. It depends on the child’s surroundings and where the abuse takes place to determine which coping strategies they will use. There is every chance that nothing is going on when children act out, but would you be willing to take that risk if that child was being abused?

Let us all enjoy the holiday season in a safe and happy environment.

Photo by Benjamin Wong on Unsplash

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