On the evening of Election Day 2024, I was so emotionally invested in the outcome that I couldn’t sit still next to my husband as we watched the coverage unfold. Instead, I paced around the house shouting, “We are on track to win!”—repeating Biden’s reassuring words from four years ago that had helped me calm down during the uncertain hours. But as ominous patterns began to emerge and the stakes felt impossibly high, I called it a night, telling my husband, “I need to protect myself and stay optimistic.” I decided to go to bed early, crossing my fingers for good news the next morning. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, and I’m still grappling with the fact that America may not be as progressive as I’d hoped.
In the aftermath of this presidential election, I know I’m not alone in my grief and anxiety about our country’s future. The sentiments of despair, powerlessness, and dejection left me feeling once again like a vulnerable little child who was often by herself in an emotionally neglectful home environment.
But the sky isn’t falling, and there might still be a silver lining hiding in the least expected places. That’s the rational part of my brain thinking after the initial upheaval of the storm has passed. I then thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great to maintain calm in the midst of the storm?” This led me to explore online resources about emotional regulation, resulting in a few enlightening “aha” moments.
We are all wired for safety and survival, and when these instincts are threatened—whether the threat is real or perceived—our brains can’t tell the difference, and the fight-or-flight response kicks in. Imagine young children who are shocked and terrified after experiencing a traumatic event, feeling so overwhelmed and unable to calm themselves down. In an ideal setting, they would have consistent and emotionally responsive caregivers who support and comfort them.
Children learn how to regulate their emotions through “co-regulation”—the process by which caregivers help children manage distress. This guidance allows children to internalize coping mechanisms and develop healthy self-regulatory skills over time.
However, in the absence of attuned caregivers who model and teach emotional regulation, children are forced to rely on “auto-regulation” before they are equipped to do so. This is the ability to manage emotions independently. While it is an important ability to develop eventually, when a child adopts it instinctively and prematurely as a primitive means of emotional survival, it can create significant developmental challenges. This often leads to rigid, maladaptive, or ineffective coping mechanisms later in life.
In short, adult emotional responses are deeply rooted in our childhood experiences. That said, neuroscience research on neuroplasticity shows that the brain remains capable of change throughout life. Learning new skills, including those for emotional regulation, is therefore possible even in adulthood, though the degree of plasticity may vary with age and from person to person.
Yoga, meditation, and creative activities that facilitate emotional release through self-expression are often recommended as beneficial for achieving emotional balance and overall well-being. For me, putting pen to paper functions like an attuned and responsive caregiver. It helps me organize and rationalize my out-of-control emotions by activating the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions such as emotional regulation and logical reasoning.
For those of us who have a brain that is prone to anxiety and depression, it’s essential to keep in mind that it is not our fault. A vital step in the healing journey is not to beat ourselves up for our struggles but to first recognize and even appreciate our younger selves who developed coping skills on their own. They did their best to help us survive difficult experiences growing up.
As for the election, despite the outcome, I believe Kamala Harris ran a commendable campaign under challenging circumstances and offered a much-needed sense of hope and optimism. Given the short notice after President Biden’s withdrawal, she rose to the occasion admirably, demonstrating what true leadership looks like. And her focus on key issues like reproductive rights and economic equality resonated with many of us. Our dedication to making our country kinder, more civil, and compassionate will continue, regardless of who occupies the White House. This ongoing effort for a more humane society can transcend any challenges we may face, reminding us that positive change is a collective, enduring endeavor worth fighting for.
Photo by Stephanie McCabe on Unsplash
About the Author:
Shigeko Ito is a writer and mental health advocate living in Seattle. She holds a PhD in Education from Stanford University and has a background in early childhood development and education. Her memoir, The Pond Beyond the Forest: Reflections on Childhood Trauma and Motherhood, is set to be published on October 7, 2025. In this book, she explores the long-term effects of childhood attachment trauma on adult life, particularly in motherhood. She illustrates how healing from past wounds is a gradual process marked by fits and starts, where each step of reflection and learning—small, big, and anything in between—can lead to a shift in perspective and profound transformation over time.
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Shigeko Ito is a Japanese immigrant and holds a Ph.D. in education from Stanford University. She currently works at a Montessori preschool and lives in Seattle with her husband of twenty-eight years and an eighteen-year-old toy poodle. She is seeking representation for her debut memoir, The Pond Beyond the Forest. You can follow her writing at shigekoito.com.
