The term “watershed moment” seems to be shorthand in news articles reporting on notable abuse allegations that survivors advance instead of the abusers. If a young person speaks up, they meet countless opinions they probably could not fathom. Their “watershed moment” happens, but they still need to pass finals. Some call them brave, others judge, and these teenagers mostly just want to get through the daily survival of adolescence with this trauma added. When I disclosed abuse as a teenager, I became open for consideration. Did I do the right thing? Who will stick with me? Through the question marks, my support system secured me. My mom, aunts, and social worker upheld my thriving. I compiled key pointers for adults supporting teenagers who make their abuse known. All of us swerving ships appreciate our anchors.
Trust adjustments
When I lost friends due to speaking out about a beloved adult, I knew I could not rush towards new connections just yet. I did not know if I could ever. No matter, the adults in my life did not shame me for being without friends. No “Put yourself out there” talk. Though I did hurt, and that pained my loved ones, they still knew the best parts of me would keep me capable.
Listen with nuance
Listening seems like a bare minimum, but adding a view bigger than myself promoted empowerment. “People are stupid” validates dismissal, whereas a flipside could be in discussions of the effects. Thus, it is imperative to know what a young person feels comfortable discussing. For all that want to converse about societal takes on abusive behavior, many may move away from such a philosophy. I better appreciate the nuance that centered my spirit. Nonetheless, both a teenager who wishes to delve into their story as well as ones not yet there should find their opening in an adult who affirms in brutal times.
Support possible wordsmiths!
Whether a teenager writes of their abuse to be seen by many or they tell it to a few, their recollections exemplify a solid next step. An adult voices their care to the story then the teenager can hone it more and more, taking ownership. The survivor directs where their words go instead of only being fit for investigations or statements that happen far from them. Though stories like this are not at their best when consumed by others, being bolstered when sharing emboldens how a survivor can take hold.
Fill the bare
After speaking up, a teen steps into enveloping doubts. Possibilities for peace appear distant. Disquieting, yes, but this ache likens to dish soap bubbles that lose their lingering form when scrubbed into dirty dishes. After I would get home from school, my mom would call me before I could doom-scroll on social media. “Do you want me to pick you up after work for dinner with me and Aunt Tiff?” Out of the blue, I could feel a bit more renewed. While the abuse still existed, I explored museums, baked to increasingly better reception, and got to understand my support system outside of being side characters. Perhaps this depicts typical growing up, but a teenager who survived abuse can harness moments like these to reinforce their truths. With loved ones’ encouragement towards these developments, a survivor can create fullness themselves.
Survival for me has never just been clawing up mountains covered in sweat and dirt. Through aid in the most vulnerable times, a wider life gleams. Not always ugly nor always pretty, I finagle with this depth. Triggers are not my ending; those verbal assaults are not my guide. A teenager who speaks up about their abuse acknowledges a survivor’s reality. For as much as it is about grappling with violations, a survivor’s reality constantly moves. Supporters confirm their place yet still progress beside their loved ones, knowing their recovery has always been achievable.
Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash
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