Today, I bought flowers for myself.

They are five perfect little floppy tulips with careless streaks of red, yellow, and orange on a white background. Every time I look at them, I smile because I bought myself flowers!

I didn’t buy them because I thought that they would look Martha Stewart fresh for visitors and impress them with my homemaking abilities. I didn’t buy them intending to plant to impress neighbours with gardening skills. I didn’t buy them for someone else, to impress them with my amazing compassion.

I bought flowers for myself.

I bought them because they made me happy. That was all. It wasn’t life-shattering to anyone else…but me. There are seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months that I feel that I will never be happy or ever smile again.

But then, I do. A stranger in the park will smile at me and I will smile back. The sun hits my face as I leave home and I can feel its warmth to my toes. I do my dishes and smell the fresh scent of lavender. An eagle flies close overhead, and I can hear the whoosh whoosh of his flapping wings.

Every day is a challenge and on the days that I feel I just can’t, I hope I remember…    …I can buy myself flowers.

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Belinda Pyle

Belinda lives on beautiful Vancouver Island where she fills her need for nature with hiking, horses, ocean, and any furry critters she can find. She is completing her post-grad certificate in Addictions and Mental Health Counselling and looks forward to helping others as she has been helped. As a third-generation survivor of trauma, she comes from a long line of crazy but strong women who have somehow succeeded in making lives that don’t completely suck.