Another thing to think about, is not only what constitutes “complex trauma,” but also who is most vulnerable, most susceptible. There is something I have been meaning to write about that is personal to me. I don’t see as much out there about this as I would expect, given the fact that I know it’s not an uncommon phenomenon:
The Complex Trauma of Bullying and Abuse
Bullying and abuse, whether that be verbal, emotional, or sexual in nature, tends to occur more than once, and oftentimes it is ongoing. This can happen to anyone at any age, but today I want to focus on kids, teens, and young adults. Anyone can fall victim to these things, and it can leave a lasting impact on one’s emotional, mental, and psychological health—even physical health, as those with CPTSD are much more likely to suffer from chronic health issues (this can be an effect of prolonged stress and trauma).
For me, bullying and abuse has not always been so obvious. It is not always about one kid pushing another kid into a locker, but more likely to be snide remarks and pointed glares, or a group of kids deliberately taunting another, to the point of ostracizing them. This is complex because, as I said before, it rarely ever happens one time (although those traumas are just as valid).
Throughout various ages and by multiple individuals and groups, I have been teased, taunted, bullied, abused, etc. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t have any friends or that what was happening to me was considered socially unacceptable—in fact, oftentimes teasing and bullying among elementary, middle school, high school students, and even across family members, is not seen as ‘abuse’ or ‘bullying’ at all, but rather developmentally in the norm. It’s considered a part of growing up, is societal and is far from healthy.
There is a group of children and teens, adults too, who are more vulnerable to being bullied, teased, abused, even neglected. I am here to talk about these people because, while I may seem ‘typical’ on the outside, I am one of them. I am neurodivergent and a survivor of multiple traumas.
What Does it Mean to Be “Neurodivergent?”
“Neurodivergent,” according to various sources, has a few different meanings. My personal understanding of neurodivergence is that those who are neurodivergent are not neurotypical. This means that their brains are wired in a different way than the ‘average.’ This typically includes diagnoses like ADHD, Autism, learning disabilities like Dyslexia (reading disability) and Dyscalculia (math disability), Tourette Syndrome, and Sensory Processing disorder. Some say conditions like OCD and anxiety that exist from a very early onset may also be considered developmental too. Mental illnesses are not generally part of this definition as many develop later in life and are considered an ‘illness’ rather than a unique neurotype.
I am neurodivergent myself! The wild thing about this though is that I didn’t know or have official ‘labels’ until my 20s (just over the past few years). I have suspected I was different my whole life and have dealt with issues with learning math, coordination, developmental delays, anxiety, and attention for a long time, as well as sensory challenges and mild tics. I had always had at least a couple of good friends growing up or a small friend group, and I managed to do well in school due to a pressure I put on myself, and so I was just referred to as clumsy, spacey, quirky, and nervous as well as a little bit awkward.
Why Neurodivergent Kids, Teens, and Adults are More Susceptible to Bullying
Those of us who appear ‘different’ from most (particularly during the middle school years but this can apply throughout childhood/adolescence/adulthood) tend to be either taunted, laughed at, picked on, or outcast and ignored. Sometimes it is because we are too kind and naïve and gullible; other times it is because we lack the social cues to either pick up on what we are doing or to fit in. This can be seen in families too, not just in school or the workplace Sometimes a parent feels they can’t connect with their neurodivergent child; in other cases, the parent may see traits of neurodivergence that they have reflected in their child and resent the neurodivergent family member for this too. It is complicated.
I know for me, as someone who is neurodivergent, I have often come off as naïve and overly trusting to the world, which has also led me to some negative situations that were ultimately traumatic.
The Complicated Overlap of CPTSD, Developmental Disorders, and Mental Illness
I will speak for myself here since this can be so individual to every person and I am no expert. However, after seven years of therapy, I am most certainly educated on the contributions of my collective identity, my traumas as well as the interplay between these forces.
I am neurodivergent, which in many ways is a blessing, even if it is also a disability in today’s society. I have ADHD, multiple learning disabilities, mild tics, and sensory processing issues. I also have had OCD and anxiety as long as I can remember, with my other mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder and eating disorders, joining the party as I grew into a teenager and then entered my 20s. CPTSD has been there for me for a long time, and I am unsure when it developed as it shares symptoms with some of the other conditions I have. I sometimes am unsure when my traumas began and what may have led to such a diagnosis. I can say with certainty though that I do have trauma and that it is valid. The pain from my traumas and mental illnesses affects me daily; while being neurodivergent is not an illness, it has its challenges.
The overlap of these conditions makes life – sometimes difficult. Challenging. Scary. Oftentimes I feel broken and unworthy because of my traumas and the possible pre-cursers that led to them. Not everybody who has ADHD or is Autistic ends up bullied, and not everyone who is bullied is neurodivergent.
These various ‘disorders’ can mimic each other, and so it has taken many years, many professionals and personal discovery for me to finally understand who I am, both with and without labels, and with and without my traumas. Today I use lots of therapy, coping skills, and several medications to manage my unique constellation of disabilities. I am a graduate student getting my master’s in creative writing, and accommodations have helped me continue my education, just as therapy has helped me stay afloat, and sometimes even thrive. I am stronger than my past, despite intrusive memories and hypervigilance trying to show me otherwise. I like to remind myself that underneath that broken feeling is a strong person who is creative and kind and an outside-the-box-thinker, ready to advocate and help others.
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While I appreciate your personal point of view as a self-described neurodivergent individual I was googling articles that might deal with the trauma inflicted upon neurotypical folks who are in relationships with neurodivergent individuals. Can you imagine? my 17 year old is also neurodivergent as is his diagnosed Father. The amount of trauma I have endured as a wife and mother with a spouse who has autism and as the parent of an autisitc son is completely ignored in all aspects of Autism or neurodivergent sources. Therapists are only now beginning to realize the real and devastating impacts of not being mirrored, seen, heard or listened to let alone understood by a neurodivergent.
Thank you, I really enjoyed reading your article. It has given me even more clarity than I could ever have needed, to continue my journey of self-understanding and healing. Once again, thank you.
Hello Kelly,
I hope you are well. I can relate your situation as I have experienced kindergarten, primary, secondary and workplace bullying. This has exacerbated my symptoms of CPSTD and cause of it since childhood.
I’m getting better using outside-the-box thinking like yourself to get through my teammates ignoring me.
I am currently looking into resilience and post-traumatic growth. I am wondering if you believe one can exercise both types of developmental growth from CPSTD.
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Kelly. In my 50s, I’m only just discovering labels for my neurodivergence. And today I realised CPTSD is in that bundle. My psychotherapist dislikes labels, but articles like yours resonate. You’ve added another piece to my developing picture – such as the impact of the bullying I experienced as a teen and an adult. Like you, I use creative writing as both a cathartic release and a demonstration of my worth. I wish you success on that journey, and am grateful for your perspective on this complicated topic.
ETA this was a reply to michelle but it didn’t go through
Very interesting article!! nice to see someone acknowledging bullying trauma for once 🙂
I am 59 and recently diagnosed as both cptsd and adhd. I am also a psychologist. Therapy may help to resolve certain psycho-emotional aspects of trauma, such as anxiety and panic, but less so in complex cases. For example, my ability to read my emotions and interpret social cues is impaired and unaffected by therapy, although panic disorder continues to recede. I would say I present as neurotypical on this former trait but not on the latter. So, the term neurotypical for me is trait dependent rather than a global ‘type’.
Unlike members of the Neurodiversity Movement, I consider all brains that work atypically to be neurodivergent. The only distinction I make is between congenital neurodivergence and acquired neurodivergence.
As an ASD level 1 or Aspie in a successful and happy 16 year marraige with two NT step children gifted me by the courts, it takes a lot of work to be a good autistic partner. Before tying the knot we both researched and role played, thought about how we would handle different situations.
Today we are still married. The kids are very close, well launched young adults and we laugh over some of my rather odd requests – for example prior to hanging out with friends into the evening, I insisted on self defense classes and my telling the court social worker that having no experience with children I did not know the vaccination schedule, however I’d be happy to recite the optimum schedule of shots, tests, and care for dogs and gave permission to interview the family vet.
It takes a lot of work and love for NT and an aspie to make a go of it but I if you asked the kids who else would have given them bedrooma with a hidden room and cargo net coutches over the lofted great room
Old classmate of mine had a major breakdown a couple years back and has severe c-ptsd. We were all horrible to this kid for about a decade all day every day.
I feel like crap knowing we messed him up bad but he kept it to himself as far as I could tell, though many knew him since all those decades ago. It’s a truly horrible feeling, and we’re all clueless cowards and gaslight a lot but this kid… why do we tell people to get over it? I hate it but am guilty.
A former classmate who was suicidal, shy and quiet we harassed for about a decade. He had a major breakdown a couple years ago. While most of us just stared and laughed at him for years he got it bad from our jock friend. We assumed hr hated them in that there were rumors of a hit list that clearly was made up by other classmates as a way of rationalizing how we treated him.
I feel horrible for our part in creating this. We’re almost 50 now but somehow he is still here, heard it’s really bad. He got it from it since childhood from everyone in town. We should’ve apologized but clearly were afraid to,
An old buddy of mine got it bad from his dad for years as a child till we graduated. He also got it as a kid till graduation from jocks and other idiots at school and around town. He did nothing to them but they destroyed him because he was merely shy. J wasn’t much better unless alone and a friend that way.
Found out a couple years ago he’s been in and out of hospitals for decades for severe c-ptsd which I’d never even heard of. While I know the majority of people with ptsd aren’t vets as it’s just trauma, how can I help him?
Meds do nothing but make these guys worse and therapy
doesn’t seem to help with anything except cause more issues. He has other horrible disorders also and j know for a fact we all caused two of them.
Suicide seems the only way out being it’s how most end up with it, it seems and he’s been that way since a kid he just thought he hid it well but I knew.
I feel horrible as I wasn’t much of a friend and joined in on the fun. Afraid he’s going to take his life. His family is trash in how they talk to him but I think they strangely think they know better when they don’t know anything.
Weird thing is was he beat it and seemed normal for decades which he was but guess he hid it well or it just worsened with age. Smart and funny guy but definitely not happy. Had a nervous breakdown a few years ago. It’s heartbreaking and we’re almost 50. Is there anything I can do? I don’t want to trigger him but he’d a rough guy to still be alive with all I know he’s been through and I’m sure there’s much worse he kept hidden.
Hello,
I got an old former pal who made a lot of us nervous a couple years ago because if some severely unpredictable behavior that caught us off guard myself included. It wasn’t dangerous but nobody could figure it out . He got in trouble with the cops but we had a lot of empathy for him but some ignorance.
We did know that it was because her all were horrible to him for about a decade. Found found out many years later that he got it at home too like many of us did, and it makes perfect sense with how shy and nervous he was: a sensitive, quiet type. Thankfully, he’s nothing like that now, however, I fear we made it worse.
What I now know is that he evidently had PTSD from abuse and. Severe bullying since a little kid. From us it started in fourth grade through high school, and I feel like garbage. We helped create this.
The weird thing was he was fine for years or just a good actor but nothing like this but least he’s a talker now, j asked him a bit ago an he told me he buried it and tried living his life and he did, but from some experience , I know this type of stuff never fully leaves.
His is severe , that he has c – ptsd . Yangs a new germ for me. Cops all know how bad it is hospital, social workers, security guards, mental health clinicians, case workers etc because nobody would help the guy for years.
Some of us want to apologize , as he told me personally over false rumors that he I never wanted any of us dead which was a fake rumor one of us started decades ago, he had never heard it until our late 20s and he was pissed.
He said he just wanted us to stop ,but we didn’t for about a decade daily. He even got it from underclassmen that show shh he was. No wonder he’s so messed up.
Something clearly happened to him a few years ago to make him so off , unlike before. Some event but I hadn’t seen him before that in almost a decade but before he was fine for decades so why now?
Something triggered it again or it just always was and we see what we choose to see. Should we apologize? He feels bad for what happened a few years ago but nobody will speak with him. I told him they’re more fake now than decades ago.
The reason is fear and guilt. He’d like to talk and is. A friendly guy just damaged as he says. Afraid something bad js gonna happen but I know we’re fine, it’s him. Sorry this is so long.
Sounds like some of you truly did a number on him if he’s got c-ptsd in adulthood, though I’d imagine he had it from other things and people as well. It never goes away.
Like the old saying, you may be done with the past but the past isn’t done with you. It won’t let you go and forget. It’s true; I would find a way to reach out to him. Being my joke of a human being bullies never did squat the fact decades later it’s affecting you means something. Reach out.