My name is Elizabeth, and I am a survivor of child abuse and trauma. I write articles for the foundation on my experience of living with Complex PTSD. There is a need for our world to understand survivors of trauma because there is still shockingly little out there about what happens to a trauma victim afterward. I am now in my fourth decade and still dealing with almost daily Complex PTSD symptoms. It is something that very few people understand unless, of course, you are a survivor or a therapist working in the field.
People ask me why I am so hooked on the past and to just “get over it”. They tell me it happened so long ago and that I should just “move on.” It is always “the same”.
Have you ever heard this?
Our world is forever changing, and because of the internet, we hear about traumatic events from all over the world. The news regurgitates story after story, but there is never any follow-up. It’s almost like there is a proverbial switch, and everything is great again after a traumatic event.
That is not how the world works
Well, no! That is not how the world works.
Just wind back to Katrina and how that catastrophe still ricochets through our hearts today after devastating so many lives. The wildfires in California wreak havoc on so many every year, and it gets reported for a few days and then forgotten in the ether of more pressing news. The world forgets to take a beat and think about how we live with all that has happened. How do we move on from our trauma?
In my case, I moved far away from my bio-family and everyone that I knew. I started again in a new place and created my own path. I thought I could just run away from it all, and I would just forget my past, but there is not a day that goes by when I am reminded of something. It’s been three decades since I left everything and everyone behind, but the trauma is still haunting me like a perpetual shadow that will not go away. My physical scars have long healed, but my body and mind still remember it all. Everything that was done to me and the pain I had to endure as a child who was sexually abused and forced to witness things no human being should ever see. Wherever I go and whatever I set my mind to do, that pain is still following me in some way. It finds me and ensnares me like a vine, dragging me back to that time that I try to forget. Most of the time, I am doing okay, but there are times when the triggers get harrowing and overwhelm me.
As survivors, we often turn to professionals to help us heal. We learn about coping mechanisms and breathing techniques to help us get through the pain that our triggers bring us. Those are extremely useful for handling the everyday stressors of life. Sometimes, when all those methods have run their course, and you are still feeling like an emotional zombie, you may need to cry. Life gets tough and things happen. You might be undergoing a change at work or in your personal life that derails your normal. It can be overwhelming for anyone, but for someone who is already dealing with Complex PTSD, a sudden derailment can feel like a rug has been swept away from our feet. We can feel as if we are losing control of ourselves and our reality as we strive to get our feet back on the proverbial ground again.
If you are feeling like this, I urge you to seek help from someone who will listen and not judge. Therapists can only help so much, and most often, they are not on hand 24 hours a day, and it is often at night when those anxiety attacks creep into our psyche. Call on your best friend or loved ones in that moment. There are also 24-hour crisis lines in every country in the world available for anyone needing that listening ear.
We are never truly alone with our pain
I know that those of us who suffer from Complex PTSD find it hard to reach out for help when we need it. It is one of those coping mechanisms kicking in from so long ago with that inner voice that tells us that we are just fine – alone. That is simply not true. We are all social creatures, and we need people, especially when we are hurting. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to listen to your body and relinquish control of those emotions, and let them surface. Allow yourself to feel that pain and let go. Have a good cry and bawl hysterically if that is what you need. The power of having a good cry can be therapeutic and cleansing because those emotions need to come out one way or another, and I can guarantee that you will feel better afterward. Trust me, I know what I am talking about because I have been there many times.
The last time I cried, I was alone in my car, and I had to pull over as I felt this pressure building in my body like a large weight consuming me until I couldn’t breathe. I felt physically sick as my body convulsed into large heart-wrenching sobs while I bawled my pain out into the silence. The pain was overwhelming, and it felt as if my body was being electrocuted as I writhed in the emotional breakdown of my sobs. I cried for what felt like hours, and I was exhausted afterward. I felt like my body had done circuits of weight training. Every muscle ached as I slowly regained my composure. I took a few cleansing breaths and took stock of my body, and grounded myself in the present moment by recalling things I could see, hear, and feel around me. I came to and looked out of my window into the darkness surrounding me as night had fallen. I felt better, lighter somehow. The pain I was carrying felt easier to bear.
If you are a survivor like me, you need to try and open some of those emotions and let them surface. Acknowledge them because they are just as real as the air you breathe. You need to release the emotional pressure switch sometimes and let the traumatic trauma pain surface and disintegrate. It is the only way to truly let go. The power of having a good cry is liberating. Listen to your body and allow yourself to feel. I know that crying is rare, and those tears do not come easily but when they do, you need to let them out.
Photo by Jeremy Wong on Unsplash
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For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com
Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. She suffered sexual abuse throughout her childhood and witnessed unspeakable events. Elizabeth survived in an environment where most people would not. She is now able to help other survivors heal from trauma through her writing and blogs. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. There is always hope.
Elizabeth is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.
Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd
