***TRIGGER WARNING: The following post discusses sensitive issues including child abuse.***
Family is defined as “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children” in the Merriam Webster online dictionary. Families can of course take lots of different shapes and sizes, but in essence, the family is a group of people who love each other. When people talk about family, they usually refer to loved ones as those closest to us. Family lies at the core of our human existence. It is where we come from, where we build our identities from, and where we draw our strength. Our lives start with our families and most people depend on family for the duration of their lives. There are of course always exceptions. People fall out and argue, but eventually even the deepest arguments can be mended if there was love to begin with. This does not happen for someone who has been a victim of sexual child abuse, and the loss of family will follow an individual for their entire life. When that deep bond between family members is shattered by abuse, it is always the victim that loses – big time.
Every birthday, milestone celebration and holiday is a reminder of the fact that as an abused child, you have no family to share your success with. Can you imagine spending your college graduation or your wedding day without family by your side? This is normal for someone who has gone through abuse because life goes on and we have to start over again. We ask friends to act as our “stand-in mom or sister” to do our make-up for our wedding day, and we ask someone we know and trust to walk us down the aisle during our wedding ceremony. That void that the family leaves behind is filled in some way, but it is not the same, and the pain of that loss is so deep that we don’t talk about it. How can you talk about it and with whom? Most people have no idea what it really feels like to live without family.
Who do you turn to when you are deeply upset? Your family, right? Well, what if you don’t have that support network because you are a victim of child abuse and have been alone all your life. Or maybe you are a divorced single parent due to domestic violence without any family to fall back on for support. There are many reasons for why someone is struggling alone. Who is your person then? Who do you turn to?
The reason for asking these questions is that even now in 2025, there are people out there who are profoundly alone. We need to be vigilant and see these people and offer our support. There is always a reason for someone to choose loneliness over family, and it is usually due to abuse of some kind. Think about your neighbors. Do you know who they are and their situation? Is there something you could do to make their lives a little easier? If the answer is yes, then what stops you?
Our world is changing and there is not much compassion and respect. People are far too quick to judge others and emotions run high. When I read the news and go to the grocery store, I see people are less happy than they used to be. I wish we could change that, with one act of kindness a day. A simple smile or a thank you can make someone’s day. You never know what a person has gone through that day, especially if they are going through life alone. If you have a friend who has no family, then invite them over to spend an afternoon in your home. A simple gesture like that means more to a lonely person than you can imagine.
I know all of this because I am living this life. I was sexually abused as a child and my whole family was affected by the lies and the pain. I had to leave my family and start again. When I finally got my driver’s license, I celebrated my success alone. My college graduation was celebrated with friends and their families. On my wedding day I had no mom or dad or siblings by my side. These are moments that every family takes for granted and we all have framed proof in our houses of wedding photos and important milestones. Our family is at the core of our being. This is a loss that I have to bear and I know I am not alone, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish someone out there could understand what it means. A life after abuse in whatever form can be lonely.
My name is Lizzy and I am a survivor of child abuse. I started again at the age of 18 and it took me a long time to achieve milestones without a supporting family by my side. Remember there is always another sunrise, with endless opportunities.
Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.
Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. She suffered sexual abuse throughout her childhood and witnessed unspeakable events. Elizabeth survived in an environment where most people would not. She is now able to help other survivors heal from trauma through her writing and blogs. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. There is always hope.
Elizabeth is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle. https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Offenders-Daughter-Story-Survival-Against-ebook/dp/B0BBSV97VF/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=0pSdX&content-id=amzn1.sym.cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_p=cf86ec3a-68a6-43e9-8115-04171136930a&pf_rd_r=134-9913214-5397651&pd_rd_wg=MPpMc&pd_rd_r=d375a758-2d9b-4c6e-9aee-52c1f5a4e6f7&ref_=aufs_ap_sc_dsk
Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith” available here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CQRNST2B?binding=kindle_edition&qid=1711883073&sr=8-2&ref=dbs_dp_rwt_sb_pc_tkin
