Speak Up or Be Misunderstood: How Communication Can Break Down Trauma Barriers

When was the last time you had a conversation with a real person, other than at work?

Social skills help us to connect, communicate, and build stronger relationships with people.

Face-to-face communication without smartphones happens less often than it should, as technology slowly takes over our social lives.

People rely on screens for daily life.

How many ways can you think of where you use your phone instead of having a real conversation?

I think you’d be surprised at how much you use a screen–but hey, it’s 2026, and everyone is using technology these days.

You check the weather and the news first thing in the morning. Fifty years ago, people relied on the local newspaper when it eventually came to the door.

Life was much simpler (but slower) back then. People communicated to get their needs met.

Nowadays, we can order anything and have it delivered to our front door.

Want a new kitchen? Sure, you can buy everything online, provided you have all the measurements.

Fancy a takeout for dinner? No problem. Go online, pick your favorite food, and it will be delivered to your door.

I love my cell phone and, yes, I carry one wherever I go — including to work. Teachers communicate both in and outside class to keep students safe. It’s a great tool to safeguard vulnerable students who have cut class.

I’m sure you use your cell at work, too.

Talking to each other in real conversations where we voice our feelings is a skill that many ignore. In a world where everything is available at the push of a few keys, people give up far too easily.

A trauma survivor can often get lost in the system between phones and people. Sometimes it’s impossible to communicate how we feel about something, and we push it away.

Some conversations are not fit for the cell phone. They need a human touch.

Trauma survivors don’t always know how to feel, but we sure as hell (pardon my language) feel it in our bodies because our bodies absorb everything (whether we like it or not).

These “non-feelings” manifest as headaches, stomach upsets, tension, etc. The problem is that those feelings that are pushed aside will never completely go away, and they have a way of showing up when we least expect them to.

I don’t know about you, but I want to be seen for who I am. The real me. I don’t want to pretend that I’m fine when I’m not. I’m sick of pretending and staying silent.

I’m a trauma survivor, and I’m not ashamed to say it out loud. My experiences with trauma can help so many who are struggling every single day.

Do you feel the same? Do you want to be seen and heard, as well?

If you want to be seen for who you are, you need to speak up. You need to tell people how you feel — every day.

If you ignore the need to communicate how you feel, those feelings can become cooped up inside your body just like a pressure cooker uses pressure from steam to cook food.

Eventually, you need to let that “pressure” out before you burst. Otherwise, you might experience an embarrassing “oil spill” of emotions wherever you happen to be. Trust me, it always happens in the worst possible place.

Sometimes, you just need to let the “pressure out.”

I’m a trauma survivor, and even after years of therapy, I still have days when I am triggered.

Trauma triggers are everywhere, and can pop up when we least expect. They can cause havoc in our lives.

When it happens, the last thing we want to do is to talk about it. I know, this is messed up, right?

Keeping complicated feelings inside is the worst thing we can do. As a trauma survivor, I learned to keep my business to myself because I believed that no one would listen.

That is the way I saw my world as a child, and I know many survivors feel the same. It is extremely hard to get out of that learned behavior.

Everything is almost certainly NOT FINE all the time, and people should hear it. Our voices do matter.

You matter.

But if you don’t speak about how you really feel, people will never know or understand you.

In general, we are desensitized by triggering events because they happen all the time. The news is riddled with bad events, people having arguments, and general conflict.

This has become normal.

It should not be normal that our wonderful world has so much conflict, causing billions of people to live in fear and anxiety.

Yet, here we are, and survivors often get lost in the maelstrom as we move through life.

You cannot change the whole world, but you can change your immediate world–and the people you see every day–by speaking up.

All of the “every day” stressors that cause us to be triggered are like little darts being shot from all directions.

One or two darts don’t hurt that much, but more than that, and we feel definite pain. Right?

How do we break the habit of a lifetime and tell people how we feel? Good question.

Well, it is not easy to do, and my advice is to practice. Use the bathroom mirror once you have calmed down from your trigger, and say to yourself:

“I matter, and my voice matters. This is how I feel…. ‘I’m not okay.’”

Practice what you are going to say to the person who triggered you. Share something small about yourself that you might not be certain that you want them to know. I think you will be surprised at the reaction you get. Most people are clueless about how trauma affects people.

I will give you an example of how I shared something about myself that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing. Because now I’m happy that I did.

A few years ago, I worked with two colleagues who were always bickering about stuff, and sometimes, they would use colorful language. The way they spoke to each other upset me, so I told them.

“I really don’t like the way you speak to XXXX; it makes me uncomfortable.”

Both had no idea how I felt, and they made peace (at least when I was around).

One weekend, I had to speak up and tell another mom that I did not like the words she used to speak to her son at football practice, because it was upsetting to my kids and me. It made that mom think about her words, and she is now much kinder (and calmer) with her son and my ears.

A third example is when I tell people that “I am allergic to cream.” This is not exactly true, but as close to the truth as I am comfortable sharing.

I cannot eat cream without feeling physically sick to my stomach because of what happened to me as a child. I do not share those details because they are too personal. By sharing that I’m allergic to cream, people will understand that I react to it in some way–which is true.

Speaking up and telling others how you feel about something can be a game-changer.

Communication is vital for our emotional well-being. It’s not just about talking but also listening–having empathy for someone. It also includes body language.

And while we should not remain silent, it’s also important not to overshare too soon. We want to build on our conversations and grow our rapport with others step by step. We test the waters so that we know that the person we trust with a trauma trigger is going to be supportive.

Of course, how we share is as important as actually sharing. We want to stay calm during problems, whenever we encounter them. It’s much easier to solve conflicts when we are relaxed and clear-headed.

If you need a moment before you speak, then take it.

You can learn to communicate your feelings. Start small, practice and build trust.

I believe in you.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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