How to get out of the Trauma Woods and into the Sunshine

Trauma — is an emotional or psychological response to very stressful, frightening, or distressing events.

Trauma comes in different forms. Physical trauma refers to a person suffering a sudden injury caused by an accident, such as a car crash. Physical trauma heals over time. Bones can be reset in the theatre and will heal again. Bruises and cuts can be nasty, but most heal in time with medical attention.

Psychological or emotional trauma is a different kind of trauma where a person has been in a highly stressful situation that causes a reaction. It can be from witnessing a horrific event or experience where the individual was subjected to harm in some way: for example, being frightened, under threat or abused, ridiculed, harassed, or even rejected without any power to stop it.

Trauma can be caused by witnessing someone being harmed and be powerless to stop it.

Trauma can be caused by living for a long time in a traumatic environment, such as being a prisoner of war or living in an abusive home.

There is also racial trauma where an individual is subjected to racism for whatever reason, which causes a person mental or physical harm.

Our world is troubled, and trauma is a word we hear all around us. It’s on the news every day in some form. Go online or turn on your TV, and there will be a distressing event reported almost immediately from somewhere in the world. Trauma is everywhere, and our world is hurting or in shock over events.

In all this negativity that surrounds us, we must focus on the good that is happening in our lives; otherwise, we will feel overwhelmed.

I’m a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse and witnessed horrific trauma from several sex-related murders. I suffered from most of the different types of traumas I describe in this post before I reached puberty.

My childhood was anything but a childhood, and yet somehow, I’m still alive. I survived where most people would not, and even though my childhood is still haunting me at times, I’m doing okay most of the time.

I’m not afraid to admit that I also have periods when I’m not okay. It’s completely okay to be hurt sometimes when you have suffered child abuse and trauma.

It’s important if you’re a survivor like me and hurting, that you try and seek professional help. A counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist can help and guide you through your trauma reactions.

A Word of Caution

A professional must be a good fit for you to be able to disclose very personal memories. Trauma from child abuse is something that is deeply distressing to talk about, and when you do, you need to feel that the person you choose to reveal your trauma to will comfort you. They need to have the professional ability to make you feel better or give you a way out of the proverbial “woods” and reach the sunshine.

I have a very skilled psychiatrist who specializes in trauma. I went through a lot of different mental health professionals before I found her. Once we met and discussed what I wanted from her, I knew from her responses that she was the right person for me to reveal my past.

It’s not rude to ask a professional to tell you, their credentials.

Those Pesky Feelings

There are times when I have been in the “not okay” phase due to being triggered by trauma memories from my childhood. My therapist collaborates with me through the triggers that caused the way I’m feeling.

One of the first things she says to me is that all feelings are okay. All survivors react differently to traumatic events but it’s vital that we feel them to get rid of them.

Sometimes we lose sight of who we are when we’re triggered, and we go to grounding techniques and breathing. Those work very well when traumatic events are something we have visited before. Our bodies can shrug those away within hours.

Grounding helps to take the immediate sting out of an emotionally charged trauma memory. Sometimes, a reaction is not as simple as that, and we stay traumatized for days and weeks after. The hurt is just too deep to simply go away by itself.

This is when you need professional help to work through that pain and find a way to move back to your equilibrium.

The problem with being in “survival mode” becomes even more pronounced with everything happening around us as we go about our daily lives. Once triggered and feeling traumatized, a second and third trigger will make it so much more difficult to get back on your feet again.

Sometimes, a survivor needs to accept that the pain must come out. So, let it do just that. Let those tears come out and release the floodgates.

I know what I’m asking and yes, it’s gonna hurt A LOT. That big “stone” called grief you keep trying to swallow in your throat will not go away without those complex emotions being released.

Trust me, I know it because I spent years trying not to feel anything.

If those tears won’t come easily as is often the case, then do something real physical like boxing, running or circuits — something that will get that heart pumping until you can do no more! That is sure to get those tears flowing as the adrenaline stops flowing with your body relaxing. It works for me every time. No matter how I feel, I manage to sob my heart out once I’ve exercised until I can do no more.

There is a song by the band: R.E.M, called “Everybody Hurts.” Music is very personal and can bring lots of mixed feelings. For me, this song is an extremely sad song, but it’s full of hope too. It tells the listener to “hold on” and that is a message I want to say to all survivors.

No matter how much you are hurting right now, there is hope and you are not alone. Just like the song dictates “you are not alone.” The song repeats this line.

When I’m triggered and feeling emotionally weak, my brain keeps telling me that I’m alone. That is far from the truth, and I’m sure if you are reading this, that is the case for you as well.

I chose to cut my bio- family out of my life but since I left, I have made so many friends on the way. I have met people that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I have good memories and happiness to draw on when I’m triggered. I’m sure you have too.

Use these happy memories.

My advice is this: No matter how much you are hurting right now, life will get better. Like the song by R.E.M, I want you to hold on because you are not alone. You are in fact incredibly strong to have come as far as you have. You are so much stronger than most people.

You are a survivor.

So, hang in there, hold on and find someone to whom you can talk. Life is for living and being happy.

My revenge on the people that abused me is that I’m still alive in this world. I’m no longer a sex toy to be used and ridiculed. I’m someone who matters to a lot of people.

I’ve always lived by the motto: “Follow your heart and be happy” and “a simple smile can make a huge difference to someone’s life.”

As survivors, we need to hold our heads up high and recognize that we’re good enough just the way we are. We’re strong enough to carry on, and life does get better as we heal.

There’s a new sunrise every day, and with that morning glow comes endless possibilities for a happy day. That starts with you thinking and focusing on what to make of it. Grab that opportunity with both hands and go out there, happy!

You have come a long way. Hold on and remember that you are not alone.

You’ve got this.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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Photo Credit: Unsplash

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