Don’t Be A Doormat: How Saying Yes Too Much is Silently Breaking You

We’ve all done it, saying yes when we don’t want to.

So, why do we do it to ourselves? Why don’t we just say what we feel? The truth isn’t as cut and dry as you would think.

Excuses — right? That is what you’d say. I get that. My own excuses have excuses as to why I don’t say no when I say yes. (That even sounded wrong as I wrote it.)

Guilt — Wow, that’s a big one. You can’t say no because you got guilted into it. Yeah, been there many times. I have said yes, because someone asked me nicely with a really good reason as to why I had to say yes.

You Owe them — Favors. Those are tough to get out of. I get that. I’ve done it many times, and you feel obligated to help someone out of a bind because you owe them.

Just this last time…. Boy, if I had a Dime every time I heard this, I would be a millionaire, but yes, of course, you forget all about your personal life, and you do the very thing you don’t want to do — one last time.

Except that thing was not the last time — or was it?

When does it stop? SAY NO.

Don’t be a DOORMAT.

You don’t have to say yes to people all the time. You have free will, unless your job is dictated by a contract that you have to follow. Your life and commitments are just as important as those of others.

By saying yes to people all the time, you teach others that you will do anything for them.

What is the cost? By cost, I mean your personal cost, whether it is time, money, gas for giving people rides — the list is endless.

Remember that your life matters just as much as everyone else’s. Yes, you. Especially if you have suffered from trauma, you have lived through something indescribable. Something most people cannot comprehend.

Don’t bend over to other people all the time. Say NO. Other people say no to you, right? So why can’t you say it back? Give it some thought, and while you are thinking, allow yourself to feel treasured in this life.

You matter, your feelings matter, and your life matters. No one should take away your freedom by doing something you don’t want to do. Life is precious and far too short.

So instead, I want you to practice saying no.

See how it feels. Then do it again.

Once you have gotten used to saying no a few times, it won’t feel weird. This is normal.

Be like a rock in a waterfall. Stand tall like a sentinel while those stupid favors wash over you. Life’s busy enough without bending over for people who don’t appreciate you.

As trauma survivors, it’s easier to say yes than no because we’ve always said yes. Life doesn’t have to be that way anymore. You are in charge of your life.

My name is Lizzy and I’m learning to say NO. It’s not easy, but I am trying. Will you be there to try with me?

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

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