Trauma survivors come from all walks of life. Some struggle to maintain consistent employment, while others excel at work, like overachievers. Why do some people struggle while others excel? That is what we are going to explore today.
What is an overachiever?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines an overachiever as “a person who does more than they are expected to do or who is more successful than others.”
There are two parts to this definition. The first part is someone who does more than they are expected to do. I can relate to this part of the definition really well. As a student, I tenaciously held myself to a solid B/C average because I wanted to stay below the radar so I wouldn’t be noticed. Being in the middle was safer. As a result, there were no real expectations of achievement where I was concerned. Sometimes I think my hometown folks are surprised when I tell them I am a Senior Vice President at a top-five financial institution.
The second part of this definition relates to the person who is more successful than others. We hear about the people who are millionaires at an early age and never graduated college, but they don’t have to be millionaires. They could be the youngest CEO that a company has ever had or someone who has risen to the top of the corporate ladder faster than most people.
An overachiever is someone who has an intense desire to succeed. They tend to work harder and longer and also go above and beyond what is asked of them. Many times they are perfectionists with a severe fear of failure. In addition, an overachiever may be a workaholic who prioritizes their work life over their personal life.
The Overachiever
I am not trying to call anyone out or shame anyone because I consider myself an overachiever, but I want my overachiever friends to feel seen and heard.
Overachievers are driven. We work hard, long hours. We work at full capacity at all times, even when unnecessary. We are driven to keep moving forward and to continuously push ourselves. We often feel internally compelled to achieve.
Overachievers are tired. There are reasons that overachievers often suffer burnout: they can’t stop and they have to keep going. I feel this so deeply. Overfunctioning is a huge part of overachieving, and I do it a lot. I work at a crazy pace, slam too many things into my day, don’t sleep because my mind is racing all night thinking about things I need to get done, and then I crash and burn. This is a definite pattern for me.
Overachievers are out of balance. Work-life balance is often a fairytale for the overachiever. They pour all their energy and focus into work, which impacts their relationships with friends and family. My therapist asked me what I did when I wasn’t working. Duh, sleep 🙂 ! I realized one day that work (my coaching business) was also my hobby. Yikes.
Overachievers are stressed out. We put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve, and it stresses us out. We are often unkind to ourselves and push ourselves past our physical and emotional limits.
Overachievement from a trauma perspective
There are several distinct ways that trauma contributes to overachievement.
Core beliefs. Why are overachievers driven? It is often because there is a core belief of inadequacy that we are working hard to extinguish. This belief has been very true of me. No matter what I achieved or how much I was told I was amazing, a part of me believed I was inadequate or not enough.
Fear. Sometimes people are driven by fear that they won’t be loved, respected, or accepted unless they are busy achieving. Achievement becomes part or all of their identity. Or perhaps they are afraid people will find out how much they are struggling and think they are not worthy of success or should somehow be disqualified from success because of their struggle. They must keep up appearances so people will think they have their crap together. Often, they are afraid to fail. They have achieved a certain title, perhaps as an Executive or even an SVP, and they think they can’t have any chinks in their armor or they will be deposed.
Coping Strategies. Work can be a great distraction from the pain of unresolved trauma. I am seeing this pattern where people in their late 40s to mid-50s find themselves struggling and being diagnosed with trauma from the childhood experiences they tried to move on from.
That was the case for me. When my children were grown and moving into college, and I had more time to focus on myself, that is when the zip file of repressed memories opened up and rocked my world. I went from a high-functioning overachiever to not being able to function, and it scared the crap out of me.
Help for the Overachiever
Overachievers are just as stuck in their trauma response as those who are unable to hold a job, but they have different needs. What can you do if you identify with the characteristics of an overachiever?
Apply Gentleness and Mercy. You might think this response is a foreign concept for you, but let me remind you that the struggle is not about what’s wrong with you. Instead, it’s about what happened to you. You have been working hard to battle the debilitating effects of trauma, which is exhausting.
If a friend were to come to you and tell you they’ve been working their tail off to the point of total exhaustion, you would tell them to take a vacation, get some rest, and take care of themselves. I’m telling you to do the same thing. Take gentle care of that little part of you that feels unlovable and inadequate. Love that part of yourself and be the caretaker your younger self needed once upon a time.
Connect with Others. Schedule time to do things with friends outside of the workplace. Do something fun with a group of people. Find some time to hang out with friends and family. Renew relationships. Play a team sport.
Take a Break. Intentionally schedule downtime. Put some time on your calendar to go for a walk outside during lunchtime. Take a vacation or a long weekend. Go to the mountains or the beach. Visit family. Go to a concert play or sporting event.
Dig a Little Deeper. Find a therapist or a coach to help you determine what is driving the busyness. Invest time, energy, and effort into solving the problem rather than running from it. You have overcome so much already to get you to where you are now; with your drive, nothing can stand in the way of getting the answers you seek. You’ve got this.
Personal application
Being a high-functioning overachiever is something that resonates with me. I am working hard to understand what is driving my dread of the stillness and quiet.
This week I am experiencing something rather unusual for me: free capacity. I completed a gigantic task for my coaching business that I’ve been working on for some time, and I started noticing this space to breathe that I haven’t felt in a long time. It feels good. I can see that my therapy work is paying off because I no longer feel the compulsion to fill that void with some other activity. It is pretty amazing.
If you are struggling with being an overachiever and are worn out, please know that you don’t have to struggle alone.
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Believer. Leader. Learner. Advocate. Writer. Speaker. Coach. Mentor. Triathlete. Encourager. Survivor.
Most of all, I am a fellow traveler on the rocky road called, Trauma Recovery. My mission is to minimize the effects of trauma for survivors in the workplace.
