Introduction
As trauma survivors, we often face unique challenges in the workplace, especially when it comes to managing our emotions and navigating difficult situations. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can be particularly detrimental to our professional lives, as they can hinder our ability to regulate our emotions effectively. However, by learning to cultivate positive self-talk, we can build resilience, improve our emotional well-being, and thrive in our careers.
Why Trauma Survivors Struggle with Negative Self-Talk
Trauma can have a profound impact on our sense of self and our belief systems. We may internalize negative messages from our past experiences, leading to self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and a distorted view of our abilities. These limiting beliefs can manifest as negative self-talk in the workplace, making it difficult to assert ourselves, take risks, or advocate for our needs.
Have you ever made a mistake and then heard yourself saying, “I’m so stupid?” Or perhaps you think you’re not good, smart, or talented enough for that promotion, or you don’t deserve better. I’ve been there, and I know I’m not alone.
The Power of Positive Self-Talk
Positive self-talk is a transformative tool that can help us challenge and reframe our negative thoughts. It is empowering to hear someone say, “You’ve got this!” or “I believe in you!” We didn’t get that encouragement growing up, so we need to learn to say those things to ourselves and replace the negativity with positive and encouraging statements. We are our own best ally.
When we engage in supportive and affirming inner dialogue, we can:
- Interrupt negative thought cycles that fuel emotional dysregulation
- Reduce stress and anxiety by replacing self-criticism with self-compassion
- Enhance our emotional awareness and validate our feelings
- Build resilience by viewing challenges as opportunities for growth
- Promote effective emotional regulation strategies, such as deep breathing or reframing
- Boost our self-esteem and self-worth, combating feelings of inadequacy
- Cultivate self-compassion, treating ourselves with kindness and understanding
- Strengthen our coping skills to handle difficult situations without becoming overwhelmed
- Foster a growth mindset, believing in our ability to learn and adapt
- Improve our interpersonal relationships by managing our emotions more effectively
Tips for Implementing Positive Self-Talk
- Identify your negative thoughts: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and recognize self-defeating thoughts as they arise.
- Challenge and reframe: Question the validity and helpfulness of your negative thoughts and reframe them into more positive and constructive statements.
- Use affirmations: Develop and repeat positive affirmations that align with your values and goals, counteracting negative self-talk.
- Practice mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness techniques to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing you to respond more skillfully.
- Seek support: Share your struggles with negative self-talk with a trusted friend, therapist, or coach who can provide guidance and support.
- Be patient and consistent: Remember that changing our self-talk patterns takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and stay committed to the process.
Reflective Questions for Self-Discovery
- Reflecting on a time when you successfully navigated a challenging situation at work, what positive self-talk or empowering beliefs helped you through it? How can you apply those same strategies to future challenges?
- Consider a colleague or mentor who embodies resilience and positive self-talk. What qualities or practices do they exhibit that inspire you? How can you incorporate these qualities into your own professional life?
- Imagine yourself one year from now, having made significant progress in overcoming negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. What does your professional life look like? What new opportunities have you embraced, and how has your emotional well-being improved? What steps can you take today to start moving towards this vision?
Conclusion
As trauma survivors, overcoming negative self-talk and limiting beliefs in the workplace is an ongoing journey. By cultivating positive self-talk, we can build resilience, improve our emotional regulation, and create a more supportive internal dialogue. Remember, you are capable, valuable, and deserving of success. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and know that you have the strength to overcome any obstacle on your path to healing and thriving in your professional life.
An Invitation
If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)
The RCA Community is a FREE group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.
The benefits to you are:
- Community — The community provides support, encouragement, the ability to share frustrations and get feedback from people who understand the struggle
- Workplace/Career Resources — The group provides tools, resources, and templates to help you with your career journey
- Available Coaching Support — The community is supported by trained and certified coaches who are available for individual sessions
- Learning — You will have access to various trauma/workplace-related online courses developed by our coaches to help you in your journey
- Workshops/Webinars — You will have access to practical workshops/webinars targeted to help you in the workplace grow your career
If you are interested in joining us, click here: https://resilientcareeracademy.myflodesk.com/community
As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.
Trigger Tracker Template — This is a FREE resource to help you become aware of your triggers in the workplace and plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.
If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.
You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.
Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash
Believer. Leader. Learner. Advocate. Writer. Speaker. Coach. Mentor. Triathlete. Encourager. Survivor.
Most of all, I am a fellow traveler on the rocky road called, Trauma Recovery. My mission is to minimize the effects of trauma for survivors in the workplace.
Hi there-
I stumbled across your website. After years, I am 54, I realized what has caused me so much grief and agony throughout my life: rejection trauma. I was not physically or sexually abused. My mom was selfless and always there. So why do I feel sad? My circumstance entails feelings that were generated with the notion that I was never good enough, that I did not meet the expectations of my dad. That although I was a good and caring person, I was not the type of man he thought I should be. After I left home, he let it go. However, I have struggled ever since. Stupidly, I never put the two concepts together.
This may be an overlooked antecedent for men suffering from rejection trauma: I was not abused or physically neglected. However, I was never enough. Whatever I was, wasn’t acceptable or failed to meet the litmus test.
The seeds were planted. They were nurtured by mean comments from kids at school. I am almost positive my wife cheated on me and continues to be “friends” with the person with whom I suspect had the affair. I have pleaded with her to end the relationship, but she won’t. My feelings aren’t enough. I have never been invited to a party, had a close friend. To look at me, I am a totally “normal” looking person. Not one person would look at as an individual who otherwise looks like I have it all together and know the pain I have.
I enjoy watching team sports. I could never understand why I would become so emotional when a team came together after a big win, or a player did something great to be celebrated by the team. I now think that it opens those wounds: Why has there been nobody to celebrate with me when I do something noteworthy?
I am pretty much a recluse now. If I encounter somebody and I risk saying “hi” and they don’t respond, I am devastated. If someone doesn’t answer an e-mail, I become very angry. I check all the boxes for feeling slighted for everyday occurrences that trigger me. I would love to walk in a local charity event for suicide awareness, but with 1,000 attendees, I cannot run the risk of there being a situation where I may encounter not feeling like I am good enough. I avoid people at my job by arriving at 4 am and I work on Sundays. I eat alone and spend time contemplating how to get out of situations that may make me vulnerable even before they happen. I won’t talk during meetings. During presentations, I practice for hours so that I will be perfect when I must perform. Today, I reached out to someone with an idea that I thought was really good, but they responded only half-heartedly. I was embarrassed and then mad at myself for even trying. As you know, people like us are constantly walking on eggshells– not for fear of upsetting other people, but for the risk of being anything other than invisible.
Why do I write you today? I am not sure. At 54, I have reached a point that I feel like throwing in the towel. No, I won’t hurt myself. But I am nearly ready to give up on everybody. My bedroom is where I tend to live.
My kids are starting to leave the home to pursue college and careers. Will they even call or text me other than my birthday and holidays? My wife is satisfied with keeping me at arm’s length. We work at the same place but we are never seen together. I know she is embarrassed of me.
At this point, I am not sure I even want to change.
I don’t necessarily want help. You don’t have to respond. Maybe this isn’t the right forum. I don’t want a friend and I am not looking for sympathy.
I needed to get this in writing. At least there will be one other person who understands. To you, I just came out of the closet as a rejection trauma victim. You are the only one- a complete stranger because I have no one else.
I know you understand the importance of your work. This type of affliction haunts so many people under the radar. I want to encourage you to keep advocating. I hope there is a young person out there who can be saved.
Anyway, thank you for listening.
My best–
Jim
Jim, thank you for having the courage to share your story with me. I am honored that you felt comfortable sharing your truth with me. I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling for so long and feeling like you are alone. You are not alone, my friend. There are many of us here who understand the kind of pain that you’ve been through. I SEE YOU!!! You ARE ENOUGH…even if you struggle to believe that right now. Keep saying it to yourself repeatedly, and eventually, you may start to believe it. I’m here if you ever want to chat. Take gentle care of yourself. Cyndi