Navigating the Workplace When Your Boss is Coping with Trauma

Trauma can have a profound impact on our personal and professional lives, and when our boss is coping (or not coping) with trauma, it can create unique challenges in the workplace. As an employee, it’s essential to understand how trauma can affect your boss’s behavior and leadership style and to develop strategies for navigating this complex situation.

In this day and age, having a boss who is a trauma survivor is not as uncommon as it used to be. The question is whether they are aware of their trauma. As a Resilient Career Coach, I can spot a trauma response a mile away, and as a trauma survivor, you probably can, too.

I do want to offer some kindness and compassion to those bosses who are not aware that they have trauma…yet…and especially to the ones who have just realized they have trauma and don’t know what to do about it. I was there at one point in my career because I thought I could just put my childhood experiences in the past and move on.

I’ve noticed that the awareness of trauma shows up in people’s lives after the busyness of life settles down (whether that is finishing college, getting your first job, or raising young children) and you have some time to focus on yourself.

One of the reasons I speak out in the workplace is to create an awareness of trauma symptoms so people can recognize them in their own lives. It is much easier to identify when someone else puts words to the feelings or experiences that you’ve been having. Then, you can say, “Me too” or “I can relate.”

It is difficult enough to manage your own trauma symptoms in the workplace, but when you have a boss who is also exhibiting trauma symptoms, it makes a difficult situation even more challenging.

Common Challenges for the Employee

There are some specific common challenges that this scenario brings up for the employee who is a trauma survivor:

Triggering or re-traumatizing. A manager’s behavior, communication style, or decision-making processes that are influenced by their trauma response may inadvertently trigger or re-traumatize an employee who is also a trauma survivor. This can be particularly harmful if the manager’s trauma response mirrors the employee’s own traumatic experiences.

Inconsistent or unpredictable behavior. A manager coping with trauma may exhibit inconsistent or unpredictable behavior, such as sudden mood swings or changes in expectations. This inconsistency can be destabilizing for a trauma survivor employee, who may already struggle with feelings of safety and stability in the workplace.

Lack of emotional safety. A manager’s trauma response may create an emotionally charged or volatile work environment, which can be particularly challenging for a trauma survivor employee who requires a sense of emotional safety to function effectively. This lack of safety can lead to heightened anxiety, decreased productivity, and even re-traumatization.

Difficulty with communication and feedback. A manager coping with trauma may struggle to provide clear, constructive feedback or maintain open lines of communication. For a trauma survivor employee, this lack of communication can trigger feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, or even a sense of being “in trouble” without understanding why.

Erosion of trust. A manager’s trauma response can erode trust within the team, particularly if their behavior is erratic, inconsistent, or emotionally charged. For a trauma survivor employee who may already struggle with trust due to their own traumatic experiences, this erosion of trust can be especially damaging and hinder their ability to feel secure in their role.

Exacerbation of power dynamics. The inherent power imbalance between a manager and an employee can be particularly triggering for a trauma survivor employee, especially if the manager’s trauma response leads to abuse or misuse of their authority. This dynamic can create a sense of powerlessness or vulnerability that echoes the employee’s traumatic experiences.

Common Challenges for the Manager

Being a manager can be triggering for a trauma survivor in several ways:

Power dynamics. As a manager, a trauma survivor is in a position of authority over others, which can evoke memories of past traumatic experiences involving power imbalances. This can be particularly triggering if the trauma survivor’s experiences involve an abuse of power or authority.

Responsibility for others’ well-being. Managers are often responsible for the well-being and success of their team members. For a trauma survivor, this responsibility can feel overwhelming and trigger feelings of anxiety or fear, especially if they doubt their own abilities or decision-making skills.

Conflict resolution. Managers are often called upon to resolve conflicts or address performance issues within their team. For a trauma survivor, these situations can be highly triggering, as they may evoke memories of past confrontations or interpersonal trauma. The fear of causing harm or being harmed in these situations can be particularly intense.

High-pressure situations. Managers often face high-pressure situations, such as tight deadlines, difficult clients, or organizational changes. For a trauma survivor, these stressors can trigger a trauma response, such as heightened anxiety, emotional reactivity, or dissociation.

Public scrutiny. Managers are often in the spotlight and may face public scrutiny or criticism for their decisions or actions. For a trauma survivor, this scrutiny can be triggering, as it may evoke feelings of shame, vulnerability, or a fear of being exposed or judged.

Interpersonal dynamics. Managing a team involves navigating complex interpersonal dynamics, including building trust, fostering collaboration, and providing support. For a trauma survivor, these interpersonal interactions can be triggering, particularly if they involve vulnerability, intimacy, or the risk of rejection.

Performance pressure. Managers are often evaluated based on their team’s performance and their ability to meet organizational goals. For a trauma survivor, this pressure to perform can be triggering, as it may evoke memories of past experiences where their worth was tied to their achievements or where they faced severe consequences for perceived failures.

Suggestions for Navigating This Scenario

I want to be clear about our responsibility in this situation. We need to take responsibility for our own trauma responses and triggers, not our manager’s. We can offer compassion because we know how it feels to be triggered, but I recommend only offering coping strategy suggestions when they’ve been asked for. Otherwise, that might trigger them as well (speaking from experience).

Here are some suggestions to help you navigate this scenario in the workplace.

Develop a safety plan. It is important to create a personalized safety plan for yourself to manage triggering situations that may occur while you are at work. This safety plan should include coping strategies, grounding techniques, and emergency contacts that you can rely on for support. You should consider sharing your safety plan with a trusted colleague or HR representative who can assist you in implementing it when needed. It is important to regularly update and refine your safety plan as you gain new insights and strategies for managing your trauma responses.

Foster open and compassionate communication. When having conversations with your boss, it’s important to approach them with empathy and understanding. Keep in mind that their behavior may be influenced by their own past traumas. Practice active listening and ask for clarification when needed to minimize misunderstandings and ensure clear communication. When expressing your needs and concerns, always do so in a clear and respectful manner, focusing on finding solutions instead of placing blame.

Cultivate allies and advocates. It is important to have allies and advocates in the workplace. You can identify colleagues, mentors, or sponsors who share your values and can offer mutual support and trust. Building relationships with them can help you gain perspective, find solutions, and advocate for your needs and well-being. It is equally important to offer your support and allyship in return to maintain a healthy relationship.

Know when to escalate or seek outside support. If your boss is exhibiting behaviors that could be harmful or creating an unsafe work environment, it’s important to document your concerns and report them to HR or a higher-level manager as needed. You may also want to seek support from outside sources, such as therapy or legal advice, especially if you feel that your own well-being or safety is being compromised. Remember that your safety and well-being are of the utmost importance, and it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize your needs, even if it means considering a change in your work situation.

Conclusion

Navigating the workplace when your boss is coping with trauma requires patience, empathy, and resilience. By understanding the impact of trauma, communicating effectively, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can contribute to a supportive work environment while continuing to thrive in your career. Remember, seeking support for yourself is just as important as extending understanding to your boss during this challenging time.

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a FREE group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

• Community — The community provides support, encouragement, the ability to share frustrations and get feedback from people who understand the struggle
• Workplace/Career Resources — The group provides tools, resources, and templates to help you with your career journey
• Available Coaching Support — The community is supported by trained and certified coaches who are available for individual sessions
• Learning — You will have access to various trauma/workplace-related online courses developed by our coaches to help you in your journey
• Workshops/Webinars — You will have access to practical workshops/webinars targeted to help you in the workplace grow your career

If you are interested in joining us, click here: https://resilientcareeracademy.myflodesk.com/community

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — This is a FREE resource to help you become aware of your triggers in the workplace and plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Julien L on Unsplash