***TRIGGER WARNING***
This article discusses trauma, including sexual references that may not be appropriate for all.
My name is Lizzy, and I am a survivor of unimaginable trauma. I have lived through a childhood of sexual torture and witnessed several murders. Yet here I am, willing to share experiences from my childhood.
I survived, and I got a second chance in life.
I feel that the world today is ignorant of true suffering. People turn a blind eye to trauma when they have the means to help. Most people have never experienced being profoundly hungry, neglected, and deeply hurt–physically and sexually. Most people do not have any idea of what it is like growing up in an abusive home.
How might others possibly know what it is like if the survivors don’t speak up?
People who don’t know simply haven’t had the experience. There is an expectation that a trauma survivor just needs time to “get over it” or “snap out of it,” and then, voila! You have been cured from a life of devastating trauma. How I wish I could do just that!
In this post, I aim to explore trauma triggers. Most trauma survivors will say they hate triggers because of how they make us feel when we flash back into a traumatic memory.
Triggers are everywhere
Survivors of abuse and trauma see the world in a more intense way, compared with those who had a good childhood. We have experienced so much hurt in our past, and because of this, we constantly feel like we are living on the edge of a knife. Others don’t understand that.
Even the most mundane tasks (like slicing bread), can be a trigger, and send the entire day into a completely different direction.
I know, because I’m living this kind of life.
For me, there are triggers everywhere, and they can happen at any time. Although I have come a long way in my healing process and am no longer living in constant fear, I still have to work at not being afraid.
I can brush off most triggers because I’ve had them before, and they don’t affect me as much. These types of triggers connect to the painful memories I have dealt with in therapy. They have not gone away completely, but they do not hurt me as deeply as they did before. I know to expect them, and I know how to deal with them now.
Our healing journeys are unique. My childhood was riddled with abuse and trauma, and when I finally admitted to myself that I needed professional help, I was a mess. I had lost all sense of reality and was in bad shape. For a while, I bounced from therapist to therapist.
My husband was suffering through my never-ending nightmares. Each of the therapists tried to help, but none of them really saw the larger picture. I wasn’t ready to let anyone in.
The memories were just too horrific, too terrifying, and too encompassing.
Have you ever felt this way about your past?
Some of the therapists wanted to focus on how to handle triggers with various techniques like grounding and breathing. They worked to some degree, but the deep hurt was still shielded by my own layers of protection. I was like an onion, shielding my most painful memories deep inside a series of layers. I was still not ready to go “there” yet.
Painful triggers are unprocessed trauma memories.
How do you feel when you are triggered? Or if you have a loved one who’s experienced trauma — how do they react?
Trauma doesn’t just affect the ones who have lived through it–our loved ones are affected, too. My long-suffering husband has seen me in my worst moments, and he’s still here with me. The man deserves a medal, I can tell you that.
There are times when I do feel absolutely terrified by a trigger. When I get to this kind of fear, I pay attention to my breathing and ground myself in the present moment until the shock and pain subside
This kind of trigger feels horrifying, like being set on fire or having an ice bucket thrown over you. The pain feels just as real as it was in that initial traumatic moment. These are unprocessed trauma memories that have not been put into the correct part of the brain yet. They are raw memories, floating around in the wrong places, and they need to be acknowledged and processed.
These memories will keep “bumping” us until we can deal with them and recognize them for what they are. The brain can then process them into their rightful place. This is certainly not an easy thing to go through. It can take years of working through memories with professional help, but it can be done. I am living proof.
Have you ever been in a situation where you get so triggered that you cannot escape it–no matter what you do?
I remember once when I had the mother-of-all triggers. It was all-powerful and consumed me. I couldn’t escape, no matter what I tried to do–the memory was right there glaring at me to go back “there.” I was still stuck in a past trauma memory, and I couldn’t move forward.
Getting professional help is a necessity.
I searched for a new therapist, and I happened to mention it to a friend. She knew another friend who had worked with a good therapist, helping her process a traumatic divorce.
I was skeptical at first because I had seen many professionals, and none of them had helped me much. I thought my childhood trauma memories were beyond help, and I was left to suffer.
I decided to give it a fair shake and made contact with the new therapist. This time, I hit the therapist jackpot. We instantly clicked; I laid out my history and stated what I was looking for. From there, we agreed on a plan to move forward in my healing journey.
If you haven’t met the right therapist yet, keep searching. The right help is out there.
Do not be afraid to seek help with your triggers. Doing so changed my life forever. Remember, you matter. Be kind to yourself and follow your heart.
My name is Lizzy, and I’m a mom, teacher, author, and mental health blogger. I write for those who don’t always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books, and articles, check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com
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https://ko-fi.com/elizabe69245484here
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For more about me: https://www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com
Elizabeth Woods grew up in a world of brutal sex offenders, murderers, and inconceivably neglectful adults. Elizabeth is passionate about spreading awareness of what it is like to survive after trauma. She is the author of several books and has written her memoir, telling her childhood story: The Sex-Offender’s Daughter: A True Story of Survival Against All Odds, available on Amazon Kindle and paperback.
Elizabeth is also the author of “Living with Complex PTSD” and the Cedar’s Port Fiction series: “Saving Joshua”, “Protecting Sarah”, “Guarding Noah” and “Bringing Back Faith,” and “Restoring Hope,” available here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BCBZQN7L/allbooks?ingress=0&visitId=7e223b5b-1a29-45f0-ad9d-e9c8fdb59e9c&ref_=ap_rdr&ccs_id=931f96e2-c220-4765-acc8-cc99bb95e8bd
Elizabeth,
Thank you for consistently showing up to share your wisdom and perspective. I always look forward to reading any article by you as you have survived the most severe of situations and “get” it.
Even though my particular trauma is different from yours in intensity and type, the symptoms and reactions remain the same. Your continuing journey, progress and willingness to inform others is a testament to your strength of spirit and bigness of heart.
Triggers are everywhere. I mostly manage them (after decades of therapy and self-education) and yet sometimes they do overtake me. I am learning to look under them for clues as to why they affect me so intensely, and with that understanding, hopefully the next time the level of debilitation will be less. Although I don’t share my situation with too many, when I do it is with the hope
they can understand my reactions to triggers. AND it helps me to understand when people around me react to situations they way they do and gives me compassion in a most profound way.
Looking forward to the next time you post.
Hi Rachel, thanks for reading my article and for reaching out. I was just like you and suffered from trauma memories in silence. These events are so hard to talk about and there’s the “crazy factor” to consider too. Yes, I’ve been called that a few times by people who are no longer in my life. The way I see it is that living with complex PTSD doesn’t make survivors mentally ill or challenged. We are hurting in the most profound way. I decided to share some of my most intimate triggers because I feel the world is ready to at least read them even if they choose not to take it in. I will keep writing because our “survivor voices” matter, and I know I’m not alone.