Several people contacted me last week in response to my last email (“My Boss Triggers Me”). I love it when readers email me to share their stories with me because it lets me know that what I’m writing is hitting home for them.

In the emails I received from readers, they shared how they left their company because they didn’t feel heard, and their company did nothing to respond to their concerns. There seemed to be an air of shame surrounding the decision to leave, almost like, I couldn’t hack it, so I had to leave.

Can I just tell you that leaving a toxic work environment that demonstrates an unwillingness to address the toxicity is a legitimate choice? I applaud those of you who had the courage to set and stick to the boundary of what is OK and is not OK, even if it meant you had to leave a toxic environment.

As childhood trauma survivors, we learned to put up with and tolerate unacceptable behavior because we did not have a choice, but we don’t have to do that anymore. One of the most unmistakable signs of healing is the empowerment of the survivor. When a survivor steps into their power and use their voice/choice to communicate, “That is NOT OK,” healing is demonstrated.

It is not usually our job to “fix” dysfunctional workplaces (unless you are a consultant who is charged with fixing challenges within the organization); however, we may have the opportunity to speak up to management about the toxic work environment and give them the opportunity to address it. If management chooses not to address the issue, there is no shame in leaving (whether it’s the job or company).

No workplace is perfect because the people who work there are imperfect. You decide what you are willing to tolerate and not tolerate. You have a voice and a choice.

Some things to consider if you choose to leave:

1. Ensure you are regulated. You’ve heard me say this many times. We don’t want to make big decisions when triggered because that’s simply not a good plan. Make sure you are in your grounded self before making big decisions like leaving your job/company.
2. Plan Your Steps. If possible, try not to leave abruptly. Ideally, you would like to secure your next job or opportunity before you leave so there is no gap in employment. This may not be possible in severely toxic environments but use your best judgment.
3. Be Methodical. Take it one step at a time. If you move too quickly, it may overwhelm your nervous system. Strategically pace yourself in a way that does not overwhelm your nervous system.
4. Don’t Burn Bridges. Try to keep your departure cordial, if possible, as you may need those people as job references in the future. There may be people there who have tolerated bad behavior for a long time but don’t have the courage to leave, and your actions could motivate them to step out of the dysfunction as well.
5. Remember Your Why. Sometimes, when we do hard things like leaving something that we are familiar with and jumping into something unknown, we may start doubting the decision we made or forget why we made that decision in the first place. You didn’t take action for no reason, so remind yourself of your why.

Some things you can do if you choose to stay:

1. Remind yourself that you have choices. As trauma survivors, when we are triggered into a younger version of ourselves, we forget that we have choices and don’t have to sit there and take it like we did as a child. Reminding ourselves that we have choices can help us step into our power to create the desired change.
2. Have a valid reason for staying. If there is something you think you can achieve by staying — such as you are biding your time until another position opens up or haven’t lined up your next opportunity — then stay, but don’t let that reason be that you are trying to single-handedly change a toxic work environment. If there is a group of people desiring to change the environment and culture, and you would like to contribute, by all means, invest yourself in the change, but don’t try to do it alone.
3. Establish and communicate clear boundaries. I think setting boundaries is one of the most challenging things for trauma survivors to do. When you set boundaries in the workplace, you let people around you know what is OK and not OK and what the consequences are of violating those boundaries. I have an excellent workbook in my library called “The Better Boundaries Workbook” by Sharon Martin, MSW, LCSW. She does an excellent job discussing boundaries, why they are essential, and how to set and enforce them. I highly recommend it, particularly because, as Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind.”
4. Don’t ignore bad behavior. I know this might blow your mind, but sometimes people are not misbehaving on purpose and must be told that their behavior is not OK. You must use your best judgment to determine whether bad behavior is intentional or habitual.
5. Recognize the signs of trauma in others. This can be a challenging step, but sometimes, taking a step back and looking at the person in the context of the environment can shed light on their actions. I once had a boss whose father died suddenly when she was young, and she was trying her best to please her boss (who she considered a father figure). In those kinds of situations, we may want to take a gentler approach to help the person see their behavior as a trauma response. As survivors, we are pretty good at seeing the effects of trauma on others.

Summary

If you find yourself in a toxic work environment that is causing tremendous stress and negatively impacting your quality of life, there is no shame in leaving. As an adult, you have a voice and choice about what you choose to tolerate or do for employment.

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone.

Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

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You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Guest Post Disclaimer: Any and all information shared in this guest blog post is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing in this blog post, nor any content on CPTSDfoundation.org, is a supplement for or supersedes the relationship and direction of your medical or mental health providers. Thoughts, ideas, or opinions expressed by the writer of this guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of CPTSD Foundation. For more information, see our Privacy Policy and Full Disclaimer.

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Cyndi Bennett

Believer. Leader. Learner. Advocate. Writer. Speaker. Coach. Mentor. Triathlete. Encourager. Survivor.
 
Most of all, I am a fellow traveler on the rocky road called, Trauma Recovery. My mission is to minimize the effects of trauma for survivors in the workplace.