It has taken me 43 years to be able to have the strength to write the words I did get out below, it ends abruptly because I could not go any further at that moment, however, I like each of you, am still healing from trauma. I will continue to dig deep and work on a more complete story. It is part of my healing process so just wanted to share it with each of you. You are not alone, I am facing it too. The struggle, the negative voices and forgiving those that I never received an apology from because I am enough, I am loved, I am still here and I am trying every single day to be better and do better.
Little Girl Within
It was time to feel it all
Knowing the journey had been ignored far too long
The pit of her stomach-wrenching in angst
Shallow breaths increased
Heart racing
Hands shaking
Her body remembering
In an effort to soothe the anxiety
She focused on her breathing
The pace and depth
The rise and fall of her chest
Inhaling deeply
Slow purposeful release
A mantra melody replaying in her mind
“You are alright right now”
“You are safe in this space”
“Breathe in positivity, exhale negativity”
After a few minutes, a calmness washed over her
Heart, soul, and body
Almost a therapeutic cleansing
It was so intense her eyes welled up with tears
Tears of strength
A mindful release
Her hands now steady
Fingers aggressively tapping on the keys
Aiding in her determination to write the words she couldn’t speak
This time she would dig down deep instead of running
She had paid the price for far too long and would no longer allow that evilness to steal her sanity
She had already escaped death, countless times, so this was possible in her mind
Beloved little girl within you are safe now and stronger than you think
I will protect you just as you have hidden away the memories to shield me
Please tell me what you have seen
Let me help you speak the misery
Shackled to the trauma lost in me
I am ready to remember
It’s my turn to bear the burden of our childhood tragedy
Sifting through the scattered and mangled pieces of reality
Set Free
Ripping through her chest
Anxiety and regret
Urgency pounding
Secrets she has kept
Time to speak
Bound by threats
Intertwining darkness and peace
Shadowing doubts
This is her fight
No overbearing strategy
The truth finally spoken
Alone
Scars of vulnerability
Taking what’s hers
Trauma bleeds
Seeping into every part of her
Her demons finally set free
Realized strength
Honesty has a cost
Shedding the burdens
Letting go of shame
Her life is worthy
No longer playing into his game
Speaking The Truth
She is Finally Free
Hi yall
I’m Lisa Taylor, native Texan. My passion is writing, but my career has been in progressive Human Resource Management. I have a Bachelor’s of Science Degree from Walden University in Business Management.
I was given up for adoption when I was 7 years old but not before suffering at the hands of evil. I refer to myself as broken, but honestly, I was born into that horror so I was never whole to begin with. I was diagnosed with cptsd a few years ago, after a lifelong struggle of not understanding why I felt so excluded, unloveable and distant from those around me.
I am a survivor because I survived, I am WARRIOR because I continue on each day despite the reminders, scars, flashbacks, night terrors, isolation, anxiety attacks, panic and fear. I am trying and at the end of each day, I know I made it to another sunset and I am grateful.
I look forward to writing and sharing my story, struggles and inspiration with each of you.
xoxo
Lisa
Amazing…i could relate to much of what you said…your literary ability captures the tragedy perfectly…that in itself speaks volumes…to take something that was so destructive to you personally and tell it in a way that evokes emotion in someone on the other side of the world is a testament to the power within you…all the best:)
Thank you so very much. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and your kind comments.