What is Wrong With Me?

Have you ever heard those words coming out of your mouth? I have. Those are the very words I asked myself when, at 51 years old, a zip file of repressed memories of childhood trauma flooded my consciousness and overwhelmed my nervous system.

I was a Senior Vice President of a top-five financial institution, leading a large technology project across multiple lines of business, and I suddenly could not function or do my job. I was scared I was going to lose my job because I could not function. That is the power of the tsunami called trauma.

The Emerging Awareness of Trauma

Many of us tried unsuccessfully to put the traumatic experiences from our childhoods behind us and move on, but it always seems to catch up with us. I have been observing people in my generation (Gen X) having a confrontation with their childhood trauma in their late 40s to early 50s, once the chaos of having young children subsides and they have more time to focus on themselves.

Gen Z seems to be more emotionally aware and less tolerant of “sucking up” the pain from their childhood, and also more willing to seek treatment. These are simply my observations with no empirical data to support them, so take it for what it is worth.

When we are flooded with emotions, feelings, and memories from our childhood trauma, it impacts our ability to focus, work, think, and advance our careers. It is understandable to wonder whether something is wrong with us when we can no longer do what we’ve done for a long time.

Most of us do not resonate with the term “trauma” as it relates to our childhoods because “that’s just the way it was.” We survived and put it behind us. So when these memories from our childhood are suddenly activated, it can be alarming and disabling.

I had no idea what was happening to me. I couldn’t stop crying at work. Everything and everyone was a threat. My startle response was through the roof. I had very limited emotional intelligence (I didn’t know the labels for the feelings I was having), and my coping strategies were absolutely inadequate.

My body was telling me it was time to deal with this because it was tired of holding it in. When childhood trauma emerges from the depths of wherever you tried to bury it, you may experience debilitating effects from it.

The intensity of those long-buried emotions takes over our brains, bodies, and our ability to sleep, work, learn, and connect. Suddenly, dealing with that pain becomes our priority.

I liken it to getting an infection in our big toe. It is excruciating and demands our attention. We find it difficult to focus on anything else because of the intensity of the pain. Everywhere we go, we seem to bump it somehow, which causes the pain to intensify and cause rather drastic reactions. We didn’t choose to get an infection…it just happened.

We do have some choices about how to handle it. The first choice is to try to ignore it…suck it up, buttercup…it’s only a toe, but the searing pain makes that option less desirable.

The second choice is to try to doctor it ourselves, which is great if you are a doctor and can drain the infection. If you are not a doctor, you might try to put some padding around it to buffer the impact of it getting bumped and hope it heals on its own, but it usually just gets worse and more painful.

The third choice is to go to the doctor to get help draining the infection from the toe and get salve that will help it heal. Once we address the infection and start to heal, we can get back to being able to focus on other things we are passionate about…like advancing our careers.

Making the courageous decision to deal with your childhood trauma will eventually yield a return on your investment in ways you never thought possible. It will take some time, energy, and effort…but the hard work will pay off. This may be the rock that has been blocking your path to being able to move forward on your journey. With the help of a good trauma therapist or coach, you can chip away at it and clear the path ahead.

Comforting Truths

1. There is nothing wrong with you. Your body is telling you that it is time to remove this obstacle from your life because it is no longer serving you and it is holding you back from your true potential.
2. You are NOT alone. When my childhood trauma interrupted my life, I felt deep shame and very much alone. I didn’t know who I could talk to or how to talk about it. You are not the only one going through this. Below, I will invite you to The Resilient Career Academy Community, where you can connect with survivors going through similar journeys.
3. You can overcome the legacy effects of trauma on your career. As a resilient career coach, I stake my reputation on this truth. You have already overcome so much; I have no doubt you can overcome this, too.
4. You have superpowers. Your senses have been highly trained by what you went through, and as a result, you have superpowers. If you are like me, you can spot danger from a mile away. Our senses have been calibrated to detect the slightest hint of danger and produce twelve paths for avoiding it. You can probably connect dots faster than anyone around you, which is great for scenario analysis. I invite you to embrace those skills and use them to your advantage.
5. You are absolutely resilient. Resilience is the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties. You have been doing that your whole life. Having a resilient career is simply applying the skills you already have to this area of your life.
6. You can do hard things. I don’t think there is anything more challenging than surviving a situation where you were unprotected from harm and unequipped to handle it…but you did it! You did the hard thing and survived. If you can do that with no tools at your disposal, imagine what you can do with some proper equipping. The possibilities are endless.

I meet with trauma survivors all the time who have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD or PTSD or are recognizing that they have been impacted by their childhood trauma. We all come to that emerging awareness at different times in our lives. If this is you, I invite you to put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and tell that younger part of you… “We’ve got this, and I’ve got you.” I’m here to walk the journey with you. You’ve got this.

An Invitation

If you’d like to join an online community of other resilient overcomers focusing on their careers, I invite you to join The Resilient Career Academy™ Community. (RCA Community)

The RCA Community is a FREE group dedicated to helping/supporting those working to overcome adversity and achieve their full potential in their careers.

The benefits to you are:

• Community — The community provides support, encouragement, the ability to share frustrations and get feedback from people who understand the struggle
• Workplace/Career Resources — The group provides tools, resources, and templates to help you with your career journey
• Available Coaching Support — The community is supported by trained and certified coaches who are available for individual sessions
• Learning — You will have access to various trauma/workplace-related online courses developed by our coaches to help you in your journey
• Workshops/Webinars — You will have access to practical workshops/webinars targeted to help you in the workplace grow your career

If you are interested in joining us, click here: https://resilientcareeracademy.myflodesk.com/community

As always, you do not have to walk this journey alone. Contact me to schedule your free discovery call.

Trigger Tracker Template — This is a FREE resource to help you keep track of the triggers in your workplace and plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.

Get on the waiting list for The Resilient Career Academy™. You won’t want to miss it.

If you want to stay informed on the programs, tools, and training I offer, sign up for my mailing list.

You can also visit my website for more information on courses and other freebies I offer at: https://www.cyndibennettconsulting.com.

Photo by Roman Melnychuk on Unsplash

 

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