There comes a point on the healing journey when the question doesn’t whisper. It roars.
Do I tell my parents?
Do they deserve to know what happened to me?
Would they believe me?
Would they hold it with care, or would it break me all over again?
If you’re here, standing in that in-between place, you’re not alone. This is one of the hardest crossroads survivors face. For some, the decision feels clear. For others, like me, it’s layered and ongoing.
Sometimes the abuse happened under your parents’ roof.
Sometimes it was hidden in plain sight.
And sometimes, you don’t even know if they know.
You might find yourself circling questions like:
- Do I owe them this truth?
- Will it bring healing or harm?
- What if they can’t hold it? What if they say the wrong thing, or nothing at all?
- What if I speak it and everything changes—or worse, nothing does?
The truth is, sharing your story with a parent is not required for healing. It is a choice. And like all sacred choices, it deserves time, care, and safety.
Ask Yourself These Questions First
Before deciding to disclose, here are a few grounding questions to sit with:
1. Why do I want to share this?
Is it for connection? Clarity? Validation? To reclaim power? To draw a boundary?
There is no wrong reason, but knowing your why can anchor you.
2. What do I hope will happen? What do I fear might happen?
Give yourself permission to answer both. Hope and fear can live side by side.
3. Have I processed this enough to hold steady if their response is hurtful, shocked, or dismissive?
If not, that’s okay. It may not be time yet.
4. Do I have support ready, a friend, therapist, or coach to debrief with afterward?
You are not meant to carry this alone, no matter how strong you are.
If You Do Choose to Share, Prepare Yourself First
Here are a few things that can help:
- Write down what you want to say.
It can be a letter, a few bullet points, or a full narrative. Organizing your thoughts helps you stay grounded. - Practice.
Talk it through with someone you trust. Let your nervous system rehearse what it feels like to be witnessed. - Set boundaries before the conversation.
Say things like, “I just need you to listen right now,” or “I’m not looking for advice or debate.” - Prepare for all outcomes.
They may meet you with compassion, or they may not. Your truth is still valid. - Have a plan for how to step away if needed.
If things get overwhelming, you get to pause, end, or redirect the conversation.
And If You Decide Not to Tell Them? That’s Valid Too.
You do not owe anyone your story. Not even your family.
You can be deeply healing and wildly brave without ever telling your parents what happened.
Not telling doesn’t mean you’re hiding. It means you are choosing what is safest, kindest, and most aligned for you right now.
And if your answer changes later? That’s okay. This journey is not linear.
Final Thoughts
This part of your story, the telling, the not telling, the wondering, still belongs to you.
You don’t have to rush. You don’t need anyone’s permission. You get to honor your truth in whatever way feels right. You are not broken. You are becoming. And that is powerful.
As for me, I still haven’t shared my story with my parents.
They can’t even hold my warm memories without minimizing them, so I’ve chosen not to interrupt my peace just to be met with silence or dismissal. I may never get the response I would hope for, and that’s a grief I’ve learned to hold gently. For now, protecting my healing matters more than being understood by people who never truly saw me.
And maybe that’s the bravest choice of all.
Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash
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Danica Alison is an optimist, deep thinker, and out-of-the-box adventurer who finds meaning in life’s chaos. She’s a writer, a healing advocate, and someone who believes healing is a journey best traveled with curiosity, humor, and a little bit of rebellious joy.
A lifelong lover of stories, both lived and told. She is passionate about exploring the messy, beautiful process of being human. Whether she’s writing, learning, or connecting with others, she brings a mix of warmth, honesty, and a refusal to fit into neat little boxes.
