Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

TRAUMA BOND is chemical. An addiction to the adrenaline rush occurs when your fight-or-flight survival instinct is engaged. If the abuser is also your caretaker, a hormone develops that confuses abuse for love.

As with any addiction, your body goes through withdrawal. It tries to convince you to do unhealthy things, like sending a letter.

But, How Will They Know I’ve Gone No Contact if I Don’t Tell Them?

The same way they know everything else. By your actions. Manipulative people memorize what you SAY to weaponize against you later. They watch what you DO to adjust their control tactics.

  1. Confirming that they are important and influential in your life. That they have power over you
  2. Providing your bully instructions on how to further bully you
  3. Warning them to assemble their army of enablers and flying monkeys. Relatives, friends, and co-workers who’ve been groomed to pity your abuser try to persuade you to return with phrases like “But he’s your…” “I’ve never seen her be…” “They love you so much.” “You’re breaking their heart.”

So, What Do I Do?

Go ahead, write a letter. JUST DON’T SEND IT TO YOUR ABUSER. That will only prolong the abuse as you worry and wonder if they’ve received it. Instead, write as much detail as you desire, and get everything out. Draw pictures, and do multiple drafts. Write whatever you need to write.

These letters were never for them, they’re for you. You’ve given them enough of your time.

Then What?

Congratulate yourself and Ask for help. Find a trauma-informed therapist, support group, or trusted friend/relative to talk to. You can use both letters as a blueprint of issues to address. The sooner you remove the toxic people from your life, the sooner you can start healing and surrounding yourself with people who treat you with love and respect. You’re making difficult, important, healthy choices and you’re doing great!

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