When “Calm Down” is Contempt
In my first mental health job in the early 1990s, I learned a rule that still holds under pressure. Never tell an upset client to “calm down.” It backfires. The person does not feel heard, seen, or validated. They feel managed. The phrase sounds helpful to the one...
Are You a Positive Thinker? The Benefits of a Positive Mind
Hey, how are you doing today? Can you remember your first thoughts this morning? Was it a positive thought about your day ahead? Our world is full of negativity right now. It can be hard to tune everything out that’s going on in the news and in our cities. Did you...
When Being “Good” Hurts: The Doormat Syndrome
Setting Boundaries and Protecting Your Peace of Mind: Yes, because of my CPTSD, I was a people-pleaser. This was like a survival-mode I learned as a child. And that doormat syndrome was often painful for me, for many years. Until one day, I had had enough and decided...
“The Channel is Right but the Volume is Too High”: Understanding Emotional Triggers
In a scene from one of my favorite films, The Iron Giant, a boy named Hogarth plays in a junk yard with his new friend, a giant metal man fallen from space. In the midst of their game, Hogarth pulls out a toy gun and aims it at the giant. Instantly, and without his...
The Labyrinth of Healing: What Complex Trauma Taught Me About Becoming Whole (Part 1)
For a long time, I believed my healing would announce itself with a clear endpoint—a day when the pain would finally stop, when the hypervigilance would dissolve, when I would wake up and simply feel whole. I waited for that day for years. Decades, even. It never...
How Trauma Turns Us Into Controllers—and How We Finally Learn to Let Go
People don’t become controlling because they enjoy it. They become controlling because trauma taught them that unpredictability is dangerous. When life blindsides you enough times, your nervous system starts operating like a private security detail—monitoring,...
Complex PTSD - The Damage from Abuse and Trauma
The Damage of Abuse Trigger Warning: This post contains personal accounts and detailed discussions of childhood abuse. If you are currently feeling vulnerable or find these topics distressing, please prioritize your well-being before reading. Childhood abuse is...
When Emotional Distance is not Narcissism: Understanding the Quiet Adult Child
Families living with chronic instability often divide their children into roles that were never chosen. One child reacts loudly. Another reacts quietly. The loud one becomes the identified problem. The quiet one becomes the praised anomaly. The truth is less...
Not Driving Home for Holidays
Christmas, or other types of family reunions, can be tricky in the best of families. For survivors of childhood abuse, trekking home for the holidays is nothing short of a draining and re-traumatising return to the scene of the crime. It’s an exercise in appeasement...Follow, Like, & Share!
